9622.net

I'm sleepy.

I'm dopey.

I'm ripping up paper, fiddling around with a pink purse full of goodies and touching belly buttons to my heart's delight.

I'm groovy.

TOTALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK, but too odd to not link: enjoy.

That is certainly porn-with-a-twist.

Me, I'm just happy that Jane's Guide is back.

Dana, did you see this?

I hate to get all sappy and gross, but there are pet lovers among us, and the Editors' recent tragedy is bumming me out. [Hint: I just put "pet" and "tragedy" in the same sentence. Be forewarned.]

Here and here.

Poor little sweetheart, that's sad. R.I.P., Waffles.

Two days of being home sick, and this is the first thing to make me smile real big.

Ooops. Try again. This.

you folks still live - hoffa
FYI: The reason I have not posted on any sites in over 6 months was I re-invented myself. I've moved my social status from corporate working suburban monkey to a down town city dweller w/ no money worries...TCS. Give me a shout out of some sort and I'll meet up with any of yous at one of my many neighborhood Art Galleries. I'm only a 7 minute walk from DAllas' Art District. Call me Hoffa for short -

It's amazing what they're doing with inner-grammar redevelopment. Welcome to the joy of sidewalks, TCS.

It's amazing what they're doing with inner-grammar redevelopment these days. Welcome to the joy of sidewalks, TCS.

All hail Bollywood, I suppose.

If someone else posts, will that prove I don't exist only in preview? Not that that would be a problem.

I have truly missed you, TCS. Yay! We're getting the band back together. The band, Elwood! The band!

We're on a mission from God.

Dude, we got the band back together, like, 2 months ago. Why haven't you been showing up at band practice?

practice?!

You mean I'm not suppsed to blow through this?

I'm still waiting for when we turn goat piss into gasoline.

I'm Bob and this here's my place.

I'm once...twice...three times a lady.

And I need a drink, dangit. :D

*reels drunkenly*

And this had to happen in my 'hood.

Would you ever want to see him in a thong?

*shudder*

I've said it before and I'll say it again: the only man who looks good in a thong is David Beckham.

METROCAKE SIGHTING!!!

(damn, girl, where you been?)

This is bullshit.

If he was wearing a thong, he wasn't NUDE. Nice use of the word "cock" in the headline, though.

If I've learned nothing else from COPS, it's that the fewer clothes you're wearing, the guiltier you are.

It's old home week! I hope you prodigal sons are staying for a while.

Hi, guys! : cheery wave :

I've been up...down...trying to get that feeling again... : coughs : Oh, wait. :D

Where I've Been, Supershort Version: Lived in Queens, finalized divorce, met cute guy at work, moved in with cute guy a year later, living on Upper West Side since February, looking for new job.

And how is everyone?! * sparkle *

Here's what you missed: I came to New York and had a baby (not at the same time, though).

Oh, and Miguel died in a tragic cigar accident.

He blowed up good. Yup, he blowed up real good.

And welcome back, prodigal people (put your hands in the air.)

I grew a tail.

Vidiot and Chico formed a dance troupe, and are singing and dancing their way into the heartland of America, from where they plan something unspeakable.

Adam is putting jackets on small dogs for no good reason.

Eyeballkid is but a whisper, lost to us in the sands of time.

Witchstone has returned, bringing with her the eternal promise of springtime, and a peculiar yearning for milk duds.

Tizzie crusades for the more than two-legged in endearing fashion.

Brittney is a local celebrity like the Olsen twins except not a twin. It is surely only a matter of time until she robs a video store with a pellet gun.

ColdChef, surprisingly, has not been accused of anything of an unseemly nature, and continues to procreate despite the best efforts of a worldwide force of superheroes.

Dong Resin doesn't do Screenhead anymore and still never sent me a book, but remains cute and cuddly, like a panda cub.

Dana stopped the blog, but not the impressive with-it-ness that eludes so many of us.

Ufez joined the Moonies, and now insists we call him Ufoonie. Also he is enmeshed with Romakimmy's sister or something as far as I can tell.

Stavros comments here all the time, but has second thoughts and deletes everything.

TJ is still a secret senator, whose lobbyist-paid vacations keep him frightfully busy.

Jpoulos is still the best of us, and is working on a plan to dress animals as smaller animals.

And, of course, we still never got our brick.

And the Commish broke so many bones that he eventually could no longer type.

Mr. Crash Davis is dating Marie Osmond. She got a tattoo with his initials in a very private place.

Please, that whore hasn't had anything of a private nature since 1987.

And we haven't heard from Jonmc in a while...

I was just joking Marie!

Wow, vidiot. Have they put out an APB for Bruce Willis?

Wow. You've all been so...so...so...BUSY!

Actually, did Miguel ever resurface? Didn't the Signal finally run out of juice?

Well if everyone else is going to post in this thread, I'll surface from my little cave and say hi. *cheery waves all around*

I've been abandoned by everyone for the weekend. Friends, family & boyfriend are all either out of town, busy with new babies or too busy to come out and play. *sniffle*

I was *thisclose* to getting a last-minute plane ticket and heading to Lebowski Fest. And then I got my credit card bills from the last trip. So instead, I'm sitting on my couch, buried under cats, watching Dr. Who. (Quit laughing, you.)

Why am I not independently wealthy?? This middle class thing is so tiring sometimes.

Aine, if you had called, I'd have sent you a ticket! I had no one to go with. *sob* All day, I've been "Oh, they are all at the Malibu Sheriff's Mug Toss, and I am here at the grocery store!"

Aww, thanks Tizzie. We could have had Anne Fest at Lebowski Fest. Ooh -- something to shoot for next year.

SUPER!!!!!

Eyeballkid is but a whisper, lost to us in the sands of time.

* pushes hand up through layers of whirling sand*

mhhhpppttt

mmmmmmmmmphhthtththtttt!

Hey, I'm bragging. Don't you think my review is better than the mainstream media's?

Oh my god, eyeballkid is coming back to life like the mummy! Quick, somebody DO SOMETHING!!!

My week was a whirlwind, and I needed a laugh with the people I love the most. So I grabbed a few and headed to mesh in West Chester.
Wait. You mean WE'RE not the people you love the most?

Also: "Nachos for a gnat" should have been "Gnachos for a gnat."

From the mainstream review: "And, most striking to me, there's more of a mix of African-American and white diners than I usually see."

Translated: "I'm more comfortable eating at Whitey's House of Sushi and Sweetbreads."

Wait. You mean WE'RE not the people you love the most?

You sure as shit are. I just wish had better table manners so I could take you to nice places.

Oh my god, eyeballkid is coming back to life like the mummy! Quick, somebody DO SOMETHING!!!

*BLAM!*

I was thinking it was more of a Hellraiser sort of rebirth. I mean, I don't want to think I lured all those businessmen up here and drained them of their vital fluids for nothing.

And Tiz? You're a way better writer than that drone over at the Enquirer...and I'm not just saying that because you've wrapped a maxi-pad around my finger.

John Hodgeman has stolen my life:
1. He works for Apple.
2. He works for the Daily Show.
3. He works for McSweeney's.
4. He lives on the upper west side.
5. He was an editor for the New York Times.
6. He's friends with the guy who made "Junebug."
7. And Amy Sedaris.
8. He's a fat dude rocking thick black rimmed glasses.
9. He's nailing my wife.

Yes, but is he embalming the dead?

Actually, Chef, I bet you money that McSwys would publish a piece titled "John Hodgman Is Nailing My Wife." You should totally submit that.

(And UWS? Pfft.)

Oh, and he's also tight with They Might Be Giants.

And I just noticed that my new baby girl kinda looks like him. That fucker.

Still, I've had drinks with Witchstone, so I'm at least ahead there.

you've wrapped a maxi-pad around my finger.

I'd almost forgotten that highlight of my inebriated surgical career.

Still, I've had drinks with Witchstone, so I'm at least ahead there.

Oh. Well. As to that... *clears throat uncomfortably*

Two-timer! Harlot! Vixen!

Feh. I've actually lived with Witchstone (for a few hours).

But then, by that logic, I've lived with Vidiot too.

And, of course, I've slept with Tizzie (for a few minutes).

God, I'm a slut.

"of course" you've slept with Tizzie? Like, hasn't everybody?!

Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it out loud!

Well, I've never slept with tizzie, but I hope to someday.

Well Crash, someone always has to be the last in line.

I think now would be a good time to exhume the term Thunderslut.

Chef, can you help us out with that?

I'm not speaking to you, Trollop.

*pops head up*

Did someone say Thunderslut?

I heard a call for Thundersluts. Now that I'm single again, can I play, too?

We're all thundersluts now...

Oh my god, how did I not know this? There's a Primate Rescue Center right here in Kentucky!

Link to video of their new enclosure here. (it's not working for me, but ymmv.)

Ow. Ow. OW!

I got rear-ended this afternoon. That's not a sexual metaphor. I got struck by a bread truck while I was at a red light.

My car was shoved out into the on-coming traffic in the intersection and I was nearly T-boned by a schoolbus. Luckily, it stopped a few feet from me.

My neck and shoulders feel like I got pile-drived (piledriven?) by Hacksaw Jim Dugan. Plus--and I have no idea while this is the case--my balls are aching.

I'm about to load up on some muscle relaxers. See you all in my feverish dreams!

9622.net: Not a sexual metaphor.

Glad you're okay, Chef. Take it easy.

And you know what relaxes the muscles and relieves achy balls...do what you gotta do.

Ow, ow, ow - poor ColdChef!

And a pox upon that bread truck driver. May his balls shrivel, atrophy, and fall to dust.

Do not fuck with my friend, DoughBoy.

Man, there sure is a lot of testicular aggression in this thread...

Speaking of not fucking with people...

Having just watched the second season of Lost on DVD, with a particular lady friend of mine, I have requested that she henceforth refer to me only as "Mr. Echo".

And I have decided that the title of my memoirs will be "Don't Fuck With Mr. Echo: A Life"

ColdChef! Glad you're okay. I will refrain from eating bread today in protest of yon nefarious bread truck.

Carbs'll kill ya.

My poor, poor car.

There is a pleasing similarity between the rear-ending picture and the rear-end picture next in your photostream.

Glad to hear you're ok, GJ. Just imagine if they were breadsticks! Or particularly stale croutons!

I remarked on that similarity myself, Mr. K. It's as if the minivan had asscrack envy. In fact, if the breadtruck had been blue ... whoa. Life imitates life.

Stupid work firewall! No flickr for me.

*weeps copiously*

Work!?

Why in God's name aren't you a movie star yet, Witchstone?

Yikes! Glad to hear you're ok, Chef. Good thing that bus had good brakes. Maybe his mechanic could have a little chat with the bread truck's mechanic.

Kaf, you really know how to cheer a girl up.

*jumps off a cliff*

Why in God's name aren't you a movie star yet, Witchstone?

According the NY Post, they wanted her to do a nude scene with Billy Baldwin.

Even thundersluts have standards.

Aw. Sorry.

If it's any consolation, I haven't written the great American novel yet.

It's okay, it was actually only a 2 foot drop. I was quite possibly in danger of twisting my ankle, though.

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