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I hope you're setting lots of things on fire and/or flipping things over. You can start out small, like setting your lunch on fire, but soon you need to move on to vehicles and people in the grocery store.

The Big Lebowski Phonetic Alphabet.

I have watched more baseball in the past few weeks than most of my life combined, as the restaurant where I work on the weekends has been showing the games. Mostly my thoughts are:

God, that Mets away uniform is unattractive.

What is that thing on his chin? Is that--yes, it is. It's a landing strip dyed red. Okay. Kind of scary but also intriguing.

Hmmm, the Mets home uniform is much better because they're ignoring the fact that their colors are royal blue and orange.

My feet hurt. Is it time to go home yet?

Seriously, dude, the gum has got to go.

Sorry kaf, we stopped doing that years ago. Ask Kimmel how his NBA predicitions that were startlingly similar went a couple years ago.

Damn, once in 84 we started some crap on fire, ok ,and we had some race riots in the 60s, and the local government with the exception of one mayor who kinda gave up has been as crooked as heck... ok ya get a rep like that, it's hard to beat.

All I know is that it's nice to see people coming downtown and having fun (much like the superbowl back in Feb).

My son filled me in on this at the Horrible Chinese Buffet tonight. The Tigers are playing the Oakland A's? Well, then - Go, Tigers!

The Tigers are playing the Oakland A's?

Not any longer. The Tigers played the A's. And swept the fuckers*. Now they wait patiently for the NL to finish with their boring ass LCS to see who they'll sweep in the World Series.

I'm on the correct side of things (at least, as far as tj is concerned), but it's not exactly pure.

I've worn a Tigers cap (exclusively) for over a decade. Reasons? I dunno, something between the '84 series being the first I can actively remember watching and my parents being huge Magnum P.I. nuts.

Also, the current Detroit team owes a bit of a tip o' the cap to the Rangers if they win. Not only was Tom Hicks stupid enough to not sign Pudge Rodriguez to a 4 year deal and let him slip away, slim down *cough, cough*, and add a few years to his career, but the TX heat was enough to make Kenny Rogers go batshitinsane and pwn a cameraman. Plus, I think Carlos Guillen was in the Rangers farm system for a point in time.

Finally - Rangers SS Michael Young smacked in the game winning run in the All-Star game, giving the Tigers home field advantage in the World Series.

P.S. - If the Tigers win the championship - and I honestly hope they do - statistically, it makes it more difficult for the Pistons to win, which bodes well for my Mavs.

MAVS? Mark Cuban can die in a fire for all I care.

it's really wierd around here... there's been a huge sports high that's been going on pretty much since the 2005 All Star Game which led to the Superbowl, then the Wings disappointing performance in last year's playoff, to the Tigers beating up on everyone for the first half of the season, to this...

At least we still have the Lions to put us back in place and remeber to appreciate the every other team.

Yeah. Just think what we could do if they decided to put a professional football team in Detroit.

Mark Cuban can die in a fire for all I care.

I get the hate on Cuban as being a big fat bratty whiney billionaire with a bad haircut and a loose tounge. And I honestly can't say I like him as a person. But as an owner? I'm not sure he can be beat.

I'll say this in his defense: He took the franchise that had the single worst record in the 90's, of any of the major four sports and took them to playing basketball in June 6 years later.

Seriously. Nobody had a worse win/loss percentage in the entire decade of the 90s. Not the Browns or the Clippers or the Islanders or even the fucking Brew-ha-has.

Annoying as he is, he wants to win, badly. I'll take that over any owner (and there are plenty of them out there) that view their teams as cash cows while fans continue support for no reason. There's a reason there's a "Draft Cuban" movement in his hometown of Pittsburgh. Just look at the Pirates over the past....well, crap, since they had Bonds, Bonilla and Van Slyke. That's how long it's been.

Additionally, tell me *any* other reason to hate the Mavs other than Cuban.

(subscript one: all is moot if Crash had any business/work dealings with Cuban when he lived down here)

(subscript two: Crash also touched my sensitive spot two weeks before the season opener, for which my tickets just came in the mail four days ago. Fuck the spurs.)

And yes, just to clarify, I pulled Andy Van Slyke out of the dusty cupboard.

It's like I'm reading gibberish. Except I know it makes sense to other people.

hib drovb skivved the drep. amazing!

Don't worry, witchstone. I'm right there with you.

Took me a few minutes to figure out why ufez was talking about hockey. Then I remembered that there's a second sports team out there called Rangers.

Off-topic, is ColdChef featured in this?

Off-topic, is ColdChef featured in this?

For some of us, this is a day of mourning. Could you please keep sex and death out of it and leave them, respectively, in the casket and closet.

"I get the hate on Cuban as being a big fat bratty whiney billionaire with a bad haircut and a loose tounge."

"(subscript one: all is moot if Crash had any business/work dealings with Cuban when he lived down here)"

No personal dealings, no. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with the first part I quoted there. He's just the obnoxious dickhead fan who it's embarrassing to sit by at the game, but he happened to luck out and make a fortune in the dot-com days and become the obnoxious dickhead owner it's embarrassing to sit by.

Not that I've ever sat by him, but you get my drift.

Then I remembered that there's a second sports team out there called Rangers.

More than two, actually.

This is what our "Men of Mortuaries" looks like.

COMMISH, ARE YOU OK?

I figure with your luck you were on this train.

Thanks for alerting me, crash.

No, you underestimate my luck. I was in the Milford Hospital at the time, recovering from yet another surgery, when the PA announced there was a "Distaster Code 6". I walked to the nurses station and casually asked what that meant, and was they said they had no idea, but they were looking it up. Turns out the code for "commuter rail accident" isn't used all that often, thankfully enough.

Oh yeah, about me - remember when I had the scooter accident on Bermuda? And had to have my spleen removed? And how the scar later herniated, and I had to have mesh put in to hold in together? Well, the scar got infected somehow last month - the surgeon says that almost never happens, and asked if I had any major dental work done. I told him no, not really, unless you count when I broke my jaw in May and had to have it wired shut for a month. He thought, yeah, that might have done it; perhaps somehow during the wiring and all enough bacteria got in and sent straight for the foreign object (the mesh) in my body) and that's how it got infected a year and a half later.

We tried antibiotics, which seemed to work for a while, but as soon as I went off them the infection came back, so I made the appointment for last Thursday to have the screen removed - it was supposed to just be surgical day surgery, and I would be home that night. Literally the last thing the surgeon says before we go into the OR is that sometimes - very rarely - the mesh can adhere to the small intestine behind it, and if that happens there may be more involved.

When I woke up, I was in a regular hospital room, not the recovery room, and I noticed how they had put my legs into those cool automatic compression stockings that periodically squeeze your legs so you don't get blood clots if you can't move your legs for a long period of time - and I thought, oh great, here we go again.

The mesh had been infected all the way back to the intestine and fused itself into it, so they not only had to slice me open, they had to cut out about two inches of intestine. I couldn't eat or drink anything but ice chips for three days, and finally started getting clear liquids on Saturday.

I'm home now, though. I had to leave the hospital because all the damn train crash victims needed rooms. Thanks a whole hell of a lot for reminding me.

Oh, that was Posted by: yhbc, by the way.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, commish. Remind me never to get on an airplane with you!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, commish. Remind me never to get on an airplane with you!
Posted by: Crash

Now *that's* eponysterical.

Say...um...they didn't just throw that intestine away, did they? Because I have this awesome boudin recipe? And, you know...

Hola, monkeyfriends. I am suck that I haven't visited in so long. That wizened bastard of a voudu houngan should've warned me about the potency, damn his eyes.

So, er, question: tizzie said on a recent back-from-Canada post on the 'bottle that you guys sent a bottle of something nice and brain-massaging to Canada at some point in the past, for me, for which I (whether or not it ever happened) thank ya'll with great lovenrespect, even if.

But the Thing is, I don't remember that at all. Rude, half-braindead bastard, ain't I? Did that actually happen, and where did you send it, if so? My mom's (Looooooocy!) got some 'splainin to do if it ever actually arrived.

That was a while ago, but I think we ended up relying on marquis to the buying and delivering, since none of the rest of us could actually mail scotch to Canada. I was one of he folks behind the effort, but I don't have any records of it anymore.

Maybe he took all of those tens of thousands of dollars we sent over to the UK with him. Bastard.

(it was for your previous visit back to Canada for a funeral, stav)

yhbc, someday, sometime, your 1 in a million luck will bring you something good. We hope. I wish you a speedy recovery from Meshgate.

Stav, I thought you were coming here to pick up that bottle.

*looks at bottle*

*opens*

*pours*

*shrug*

"She was one of the judges of my cheerleading experience when I was in the eighth grade," Hill testified. Asked whether they were friends, Hill said no, but "I would see her and her then-boyfriend ... walk around school together because he was in football and she was a cheerleader or letter girl, something like that."

Joyner later married John Joyner; the two separated before her death. Police said John Joyner is not the boyfriend Hill believed was stolen from her.

The medical board blamed Hill for Joyner's death, calling her "grossly negligent" in administering fentanyl without the plastic surgeon's permission and for taking too long to alert the doctor that Joyner was having problems. The plastic surgeon took responsibility for the death in a 2003 agreement with the board but kept his license. Hill gave hers up.

Well that clears everything up. Phew.

Cheerleading experience? Huh?

Hey! Stavrosthewonderchicken, our dear old feathered friend! Yes, that was so long ago, but thanks to the wonder of saved e-mails from the dawn of time (2002) I'm able to remember that it was after your friend Rick died, and a bunch of us apefolk chipped in to send a condolence bottle (and a 9622 mix CD!) to Canada. Marquis bought a bottle of Balvenie Portwood (21 yrs) and sent it to ... Barry in Kelowna.

The note read:

> For Chris and Barry.
>
> On days like these, all distances feel inflated -
> impossible vastnesses
> that cannot be crossed. Over so many miles, then, we
> hope that some shade
> of our sentiments - our love, our deepest
> condolences - can make it across
> the divide.
>
> Please, enjoy these small tokens - revel in them if
> you can, share them
> between yourselves and with Rick's memory.
>
> All words sound trite.
>
> With outstretched hearts, your monkey friends --
> jpoulos, kafkaesque, Marquis, tizzie, UfeZ,
> UncleFes, yhbc, et al.

And at the time, I cried a little.

Commish, you amaze me! We need to make a movie of your life, a Woody Allen/Ingmar Bergman playing-chess-with-death thing, starring a younger Tom Hanks with a curly perm.

Thank you retroactively, friends. I do have that cd, still (though I can't recall how it got into my hands), and Barry assures me (over at the
'bottle) that we drank and commiserated over the booze (though I can't remember doing it).

I shudder to imagine the Mind Thunder I could summon to smite evildoers if my freakin' brain actually worked properly once in a while. I didn't do *that* many drugs back in the day. Ah well.

Again, though, my heartfelt thanks to you all.

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