Senegal stun defending champs 1-0 in Cup opener. Am I the only one here who cares? Please say no.
There's good news in the monkey world today - "French rapper" (and isn't that a contradiction in terms?) Joey Starr was convicted of assault on his pet monkey. The court only fined him $9,100, though. They shoulda thrown the bum in the slammer, just for being French.
There are only three posts on the front page. Time for a plush monkey with an appropriate caption already attached:
No, not one of those plush monkeys. Thank God they didn't have any monkeys. The shipping charges alone would've broken me.
If you haven't yet seen ExquisiteCorpse.net, you should. In a nutshell, here's how it works: I create a photoshop image, pass on a small portion of it to another artist, who builds his/her own image based on my small piece. He/she then sends on a small part of the new piece. Repeat 2 or 3 more times. In the end, the images are all combined into a whole. It's collaborative art.
Self-promotion: You can see the corpses I've worked on here (caution: boobies), here and here.
Anyway, controversy has erupted over today's corpse (which I also worked on).
Check it out, read the comments. I wonder if anyone has any thoughts.
With the exception of Carlos 'n' Charlie's in Cozumel (tequila-shooters 1/2 price! downstairs from Señor Frog's), apparently there are no monkeys in Mexico.
Words can not express my disappointment. Iguanas and stingrays and tree frogs can all bite my ass.
Nothing in life stings like unrequited love, and my monkey-love has gone unfulfilled.
More proof that our primate brethren are the mack daddies of the animal kingdom. They are father to us all, including Norm Abram. It boggles the mind what the monkey's could come up with were they allowed to continue down this path.
So, it's Friday afternoon before a long weekend, and ninety percent of what I needed to get done this week got done - yay, me! Of course, the twenty-four page revised contract we renegotiated two weeks ago and that I was promised would be here on TUESDAY just arrived by email. Will our hero call his client and let him know? Will he work late to read through all the changes? Or will he say "aah, the hell with it" and post a picture of a monkey?
So how come none of you lazy bums could post that dang picture, anyway? It's been on Yahoo all week! Jeez, you try to take some well-earned time off, and the place just goes to heck.
* grumble *
Okay - that helped - now I can enjoy the weekend. I leave you all (again) with the strangest monkey site I have found to date ...
a) Vampire Seal in Parka
b) Mandrill yawning
c) Arena Beast from EP II
d) Mr. Dental Hygeine
e) Uncle Ted
I'm too lazy to post an image (hey, someone's gotta do the work around here if we're to become the /. of monkeys), plus there's monkey images galore. Enjoy.
You want a real monkey band (unlike the costumed creeps), you have to go straight to porcelain -
Anyway, unlike Miguel (go to the comments), I give notice of my absences. I've been spending too much time lately at the diversions, to the point where they seem less like diversions than obsessions. And, since I've got quite a bit of "real" stuff to attend to, I'll be taking a self-imposed MeFi and 9622 vacation for a week or so. In the meantime, keep the faith, Monkey Brothers (and Sisters!)
Anyone else?
I don't care if I'm the only one here! I'm going to keep slapping pictures of people dressed as monkeys up here until I can slap no more!
Maybe.
Everyone's favorite anonymous gang of musical miscreants, The Residents, give us "Disfigured Night", the Saga of Silly Billy, featuring the above monkey.
I'm sure you know all about The Residents, who should be listened to at least yearly, preferably "The Third Reich n Roll".
What makes The Residents so great? Well, the fact that no-one knows who they really are goes a long way. Maybe, just maybe, one of them is a chimp. We can but dream.
I have a new nominee for the inner circle of hell. There are now telemarketers that are LEAVING MESSAGES ON MY ANSWERING MACHINE . Ironically, I blame the success some states have had with no-call lists. Sure, in New York and fifteen other states, you can put your name on a no-call list and get relative peace. In thirty-four other states, the telemarketers are getting desparate, so we're not only getting the calls that rightfully should have gone to New York, but they're leaving MESSAGES now. "Hi! Sorry we missed you! We wanted to make you aware of a special program in which you can earn great money by working at home! For as little as an hour a day!" Aarrgh.
And, to make this even more like a bad MetaFilter post, here's the obligatory -
more inside.
It sounds like MetaFilter is down for the weekend -
So don't do anything, well, you know -
Bobo was determined not to have another losing weekend at the track, so he took matters into his own hands.
Don't make me go all Grand Theft Auto III on your ass.
Apropos of nothing, I'd just like to say that I saw the Parallax View last night, which featured a Pong-playing monkey. Apart from that, not much was going on. Still, you can't argue with the timeless beauty of monkeys playing Pong, a sight to send a rapture to the hardest heart, potentially resulting in extended bouts of arhythmia and, eventually, death.
Oh, by the way, you should always let the monkey win. Because of, you know, the feces thing.
Dear Double Poster,I know, there's no monkeys involved, but I thought you sick fucks would get a little kick out of this: Someone at Disney online wasn't too careful about where they put a textarea in one of their Flash animations for little kids - and in the textarea, 76 "offensive" words (some rather nasty), easily viewable. Here's the .swf file (look on the left, you may have to resize your window to be wider than it is tall), and here's my little rant about it in my blog (how exciting, a self-blog!) Fun!
I didn't want to post this to the MetaFilter thread itself, but if anybody is reading or has read the Young biography under discussion, could you let me know if Carlotta Ferguson is mentioned? She's my aunt, and the family story is that she called my grandparents from California to let them know that everything was great, and she was living with this guy who played guitar in a band called Buffalo Springfield. As far as I know, they were together in the 1967 - 1969 time period, although family history is a little hazy on the details (oh, the scandal!)
These guys certainly make you wait for it. And in the end, well, the love you make is equal to...
Is this the bizarro-world? Why am I still goateed? What? Help! Did I miss a memo or something?
http://kafkaesqui.blogspot.com/
In case you're interested...for the next two hours, my student radio station here in Austin will be doing a Louisana tribute to me.
Click to listen. (Realplayer required)
Do we have enough monkeys? [What kind of stupid question is that?]
"I brought the issue up at my Tuesday night bridge club, but those ho's would hear none of it." [Yeah, well my bridge club can beat up your bridge club.]
"Once I have built the barrel, I will collect the ringleader monkeys and bury them beneath eighteen feet of solid concrete in my backyard. " [grrrrrr.]
So, kafkaesque, when are you going to add a comment box to your 'blog, so we can all weigh in on your (actually, damn good) stuff, hmmmm?
We had yet another superhero. That is until DC rewrote their history and now he exists only as a plush toy.
1. One of These Things is Not like the Other
2. The many phases of the Fool Moon
3. Trajectory of the Assassin's Softball
4. "Milt, get up there and replace that dim bulb on the end."
5. Total Eclipse of the Prez
6. W's Thought Bubble blown off course by El Nino
7. Monkeys got into the box of Flashlights again
8....?
Maybe the love between a sea monkey and a can of Chicken of the Sea, but much as we may want that to be a reality, chicken loving monkeys are about as close as we can get.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Remix at will, if you're so inclined!
Let's all celebrate with the greatest violet simian in TV history, who is apparently involved in drag racing...go figure.
Who's the coolest 70 year-old alive today?
Who's the biggest, baddest, black-wearingest mother-scratcher is the music industry?
Who is welcome not only on the stage at the Grand Ole Opry, but was also offerred a spot at Lollapalooza (which he declined)?
Who's singing "I Walk the Line" here for you in GERMAN?
Ladies and Gentlemen, he's Johnny Cash.
[sigh] OK, OK...Here's a monkey.
Gentlemen of the Board: please excuse me this momentary lapse in judgement. Please know that I hold all women in the highest regard, and respect them as equals in the grand scheme of things. However, you will no doubt pardon me if I lapse into a drooling fan-boy here to say HAVE YOU SEEN KIRSTEN DUNST ON THE COVER OF "ESQUIRE" THIS MONTH? Great God Almighty! I think I just slung some web.
This tiny photo does absolutely NO JUSTICE at all to what the REAL cover looks like, all big and glossy and shiny and aaaaaagaguuuuugghh.*
*Note, at this point, ColdChef has melted into a puddle
Real flying monkeys don't give an anal peanut about these guys.
Despite the prudish disclaimer, of course it's meant to be played with proper drinks. Now if only I knew what fascinating Monkey Magic show they're on about. Anyone here "lucky enough to catch a few episodes"?
Land-Apes! A toast to... our aquatic brethren! Including vids.
Just to let you know, the "uncle" mentioned here and I are not the same. No, really, I swear. Seriously. Not me. Really.
Everyone's favorite ScreenSaver, Megan Morrone, calls her blog "The Monkey House".
Truly, she is one of us.
(or, How Our Country Would Have Been Different If Abraham Lincoln Had Owned a Heroic Talking Monkey Named "Scooter")
I enjoyed this "What Annoying B-list Celebrity Are You?" test, though it helps if you're familiar with the *takes long breath* British pop-cultural landscape.
These guys *sob* love monkeys more than we do. And they did kill that Pim Fortuyn dude to save monkey furs - so they must be more serious about it than we are. Only consolation, before y'all click on that Monkey Generator: it doesn't work!
We can't let the general disrespect, debasement, and downright ABUSE of our monkey brethren go on any longer. Obviously, we need to start using
A veritable trove of monkey horrors. Posing the question: Dude, why you gotta mess with the monkey? Don't make me kick your human ass. (I apologize in advance if it ruins your night.)
Hi there.
I've never posted on one of these here deals before, so I'd thought I'd better make the first one good. As in magic smoking monkeys performing "The Love Boat" live on stage. Much to my dismay, the smoking monkeys turned out to be some jerks from St. Louis, and the magic was merely an illusion.
Alas.
watch the 'video' (flash).
d/l the mp3.
buy the merch.
brought to you by the band three brain. yeah, the weeeeee! guys.
Alas, Fads come late to the jungle.
*sigh*
OK, one more time..
Burn, Baby, Burn....
I have broken the cardinal rule, and gotten passionate about a MetaTalk discussion. Please back me up here.
Ladies and Gentlemen!
Harry's Harbor Bazaar is proud to present, under the Big Top tonight!
Bathtub Bubble Monkey, which may or may not have unseemly purposes in mind. The site was marginally unclear on that point.
Just think of it!
You relax in the suds as your soap monkey lovingly loofahs your scaly back!
SecretMonkeyHead
Link courtesy of Kafkaesque, who apparently doesn't feel like sharing with the class.
I loved the subtle, intelligent way ColdChef worked in an indelible monkey reference into his @ post on MetaFilter. That's the trick - find an interesting link that only marginally refers to monkeys. Then sit back and enjoy. Gild that lily; coat that pill!
As for the dude commish's evil comment - well it almost gave the game away. For shame!
I just realized that both of my last two posts had nothing to do with monkeys (not that brother jpoulos is faring any better in that regard).
Not wanting to break the string, but also out of a desire to get more on-topic, let us turn instead to the great apes. Or at least their North American cousin. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
A PLASTER CAST OF BIGFOOT'S ASS
And by all means watch the slideshow!
So, when a post gets archived, all our snarky little comments disappear into the ether? That makes me very sad.
Back in early April, at least jpoulos was up for considering a New England MetaFilter gathering, before the enthusiasm died. I've revived the topic. Sorry I don't know everyone better - I know kafkaesque is in California, jonmc is in Connecticut (right?) and Miguel is on Mars, but are any other monkeys New Englanders?
In fact, the more I delve into it, the more I'm convinced it's a crowded field. Has the 100 Monkeys web site been posted before? The typing challenge is great fun, if you fudge the lame attempt at e-mail harvesting. Not great fun, perhaps - but slight fun in the right direction.
This may be the ultimate fashion statement. And there seems to be more where that came from. Woo-Hoo!
All right, who let this testuser guy in? Next thing you know, he'll bring in all his friends and we'll be overrun by a bunch of testers. And then his wife and kids will show up, and it'll be nothing but testes all over the site, as far as the eye can see. They'll all be testifyin' to beat the band, and fill as all with their own testament. And then we'll all end up with testicular cancer. That's not good. That's my testimony, and I'm stickin' to it.
(sorry, the testosterone got to me.)
I saw it as soon as it opened! i thought it was fantastic!! what did you think of it? (no spoilers, please)
This morning, on my way to work, I saw a squirrel climb a garbage can, squat, take a dump, and then scamper off. But, here's the thing: as he pooped, he made eye contact with me and I swear to god that he smiled. That's all. I just wanted to share.
Rejoice! The monkey won! I couldn't find a picture, but here's an article about the electoral battle that led to a monkey being elected the new Lord Mayor of Hartlepool. His promise: "Free bananas for all". Should we send an e-mail of congratulations? I'd love to see the guy's reply!
The Terrible Secret of Space (from the folks that brought you AYB, 1.8mb shockwave).
A prose awesome; big erotic quotable - probably an early result from the million monkeys and typewriters experiment.
Smoking monkeys, no less!
I Really Like Smoking Monkeys. It's really interesting to see how this fits into current events. What do you think? Could anything change your opinion? What's your favorite story about smoking monkeys?
No offense to anyone, but the admins don't want to see porn links on this site.
And there are enough sites where you can see the "gross link of the day" like Stavros' artist picture.
Can we keep that stuff to a minimum? Otherwise, 9622 becomes a repository of questionable crap.
My usual rule of thumb is "would I put it on my own site?"
Kafkaesque keeps taking the piss and playing me for a chump whenever I mention non-simian animals on MetaTalk. I put it to the board that his solidarity sucks. I mean: you can imagine how strongly the attraction to link to our monkey-lovin' pleasuredome was resisted, in the face of A-lister bragging? And yet the Kaf ribs me about platypii. I ask you: is it right? Dude?
The national monkey pastime. Apparently now there's a mini version so you can have monkeys on your keychain.
So we've been at this for one full week, and we're already at post number 403. At this rate, by October we should reach post number 9622. I full expect that, at that point, someone will split off and form 96229622.net, or something. That one won't be devoted to monkeys, though, but instead to....i don't know....goats, or manatees, or tubas. Won't that be a glorious day, when our offspring goes forth into the world. [sniff]
Searching for mandrill jokes, as one does, I came across this little monkey community. Should we reach out and touch?
Stavrosthewondermonkey brought this up in comments, but i want to highlight it a little. As far as a site design, a few of us are working (independently) on some layouts. The plan, IIRC, is to evaluate them and choose the best. Everyone is welcome to come up with a design. Just be aware that we may not use it.
I can't believe I never posted this before.
All lovers of monkeys MUST view the following:
Basement Jaxx's "Where's Your Head At"
In the interest of bringing a little bit of decorum to these proceedings, after such a crude twist from the Korea contingent, i give you yet another Origami Monkey. His name is Enriqué and he likes long walks on the beach and sunshine:
So, yesterday I was looking at The Matt(tm)'s site and he had this link to Alexa. Some of you who are in the know may already use this search engine, but it was the first time for me.
Wow! I found all kind of comments made about me...including the fact that Thewonderchicken thinks I'm a buttkisser! I also found this which is fairly interesting.
This may be a bunch of stupid questions, but I'll get them out of the way. As a non-admin, the site appears to me to have a vertical line two-thirds of the way across the screen, with all the text and links in the wide left-hand column and nothing in the narrower right-hand column. "Archives", "Recent Entries" and "Links" are on the very bottom by themselves.
At first, I thought this was a temporary look, but some other comments make me think I'm supposed to be seeing stuff in that right-hand column too. Wassup? Or am I nuts?
Also, is it possible for me to see a list of everybody? I can't find it on the "manage" page.
When television writers are so right that everyone thinks they're wrong. I give you: BJ and the bear.
People are used to seeing odd stuff on my screen, but c'mon!
