Amazingly enough, this has absolutely nothing to do with monkeys. It's an "email forward", though, so I have no idea of its wider exposure or provenance, so I'll test it out here - The Monkey Man Song.
I'm tired of talking about what we should and shouldn't be talking about.
So, in an effort to get to know all of you a little better, I'd like to talk about our first loves.
[More inside]
I'm as much a monkey-lover as the next guy (well, maybe not that one over there) *points*, but this seems a bit pricey.
Hey everyone. Sorry to sully these proceedings with a serious note, but maybe it's time to clear up a couple of things.
9622 is a goofy place, but was founded with some ideas in mind:
ˇ Don't talk smack about anyone
ˇ Don't gang up on anyone
ˇ Everyone is welcome here
ˇ Be respectful of others
9622 is not intended to be exclusionary or cliquish. Let's try to keep it that way. Also, we are all learning as we go here. There are no real rules.
Thoughts? Opinions? A shower of rotten fruit?
Blogrolling is down, and poor monkey can't access the Web sites of all his favorite monkey blogs! What's worse, all you west coasters aren't awake yet! What's a monkey to do? Work?
i found it! monkey's photo album. it was in the attic right next to his homepage and buried under mom's old pantsuits, you know, from back when she & dad would go to key parties and then they'd come home wasted with other people and joke about how we were going to have an extra mommy & daddy? yeah, it was funny until dad left and moved in with the cheap blonde from poughkeepsie.
and in other news, has anyone else noticed that adam's wife is a Total Babe?
Is today the day to send out the mixes? How are we all doing with that? I have not received any yet, but dogmatic reported getting a few in the mail. He brought his mix by this weekend, and I must say that it is thoroughly enjoyable. I will stop by Mailboxes Etc. at lunch and send my shipments of doom to all you Mojos.
We have a conspiracy on our hands! It seems that our very own miguel has been moonlighting as a 27-year old DJ. Do you see a resemblance? I don't see a resemblance.
In related matters, people who like miguel also like these people.
I submit as my inaugural post, this friendly yet shredding primate, Eddie Van Monkey.
The monkeys of Vietnam are endangered. Seeing as most of us will never get there, have a look here. Then forget about them. They're lunch for larger primates.
This is a rerun, but it's more precious than gold.
Ever since this appeared on the original 9622, I've returned to it almost weekly to bask in its evil goodness. (Ignore the "j00" stuff, for god's sake) I dare you to try to get this tune out of your head.
Enjoy The Little Red Monkee.
1. How long is a monkeys tail?
2. Does a monkey poo in the woods?
3. If you lead a monkey to water can you make it drink?
4. Is a monkey catholic?
5. Why not?
Answers to be written on a piece of poo and flung from the highest tree you can find.
Winner gets this prize.
The Snow Macaque padded plaid blouson by jonmc for The Jr.Jonmc Collection.
If we monkey-lovers were fashion designers, what sort of garment would each one of us create?
Inspired by this thread, we've set up a page to make donations to the Helping Hands Buy-A-Brick program. If you've got five bucks to spare, it's a very worthy cause.
To donate, click here.
I happened to see a story on Hellion the Monkey on 60 Minutes last night. In the 1970s she was trained to be a helper for a disabled man named Robert. Now there is a large organization called Helping Hands Monkeys, which trains monkeys to be caretakers for the disabled.
Don't know if anyone else saw the spot, but it was truly remarkable the tasks Hellion was performing for Robert. More than a little moving, too, as it juxtaposed their modern day lifestyle with that from the original story in the 70s. Now old and a little grumpy, Hellion still went about her Helping role with what almost seemed like pathos. The two had grown into symbiosis.
Nu, as 9622's portrait gallery develops I seem to be attributing ethnic identities to most of our monkeys. Some look Irish (the orangutans); others look African; Moorish; Gallic; Japanese...you name it, we've got one. Or is it only me that's caught this anthropomorphic bug?
Build your own comic at angrymonkey.com. I coulda posted this at that other site, but c'mon angrymonkey. Plus it has nifty scroll bar tricks.
The best show I ever saw, believe it or not, was Everclear in 1995. This was when they were still a rock band, and weren't trying to produce hits. It was at the "LA Ballroom" in Lowell, MA. The place held about 200 people. I've never felt that much energy from a band, before or since. My ears rang for weeks.
With the aid of Tommy Lucia and his highly trained sheep dog, imported from Scotland, "Whiplash" rounds up a herd of wild sheep. Although the agility and skill of his canine companion are unmatched, it is the unpredictable antics of this pint size primate, that keeps the onlookers in stitches.
Was it the stock market? New musical trashed by NYT on first night? What's it all about, Alfie?
If I ever cut an Irish punk album, I'm having these guys distribute it.
(Many popups. Have window-killing trigger finger ready.)
From "The Anatomy of a Pygmy Compared with that of a Monkey, an Ape, and a Man" by Edward Tyson, London, 1751.
Here's a happy picture!
mmm - peanut butter and monkey ...
* starts summoning the shades of Elvis *
imortalportal [sic] lets you build your own chatbot. Design it, teach it, then loose it on the world. Make a monkeybot! Make a haugheybot! Make a thomcatspikebot! With imortalportal, anything is possible! Best bot wins a kiss. Ready, set, go.
[Warning: UI stinks. Complaints should be sent to miguelcardoso@fastmail.ca.]
in my sleep, dreams come
the banana means something
dance monkey watch, dance
[from letterneversent.com]
The Adventures of Monkeyman and Finch (A Children's Story). Read it. Then go to Ready-Made Essays and read them, too. In fact, read all of My Boot and then ask yourself whatever happened to Craig Mitchell. I'm still waiting for chapter 24 of She Hates My Futon, Craig, wherever you are.
OK, let's get serious here. The scenario: Armageddon. Your mission: to help save the baby monkeys. So which little beggar would you take home?
Aw's a pretty good diver, eh? I like the crazy kid going off the other board, too. Ok, so it wasn't as fun as S&M with amputees, but we did get some nice sun...
Ladies and Gents, from my travels abroad and beyond, I return to you with the fine and edible geoduck (pronounced "gooey duck"). Bon appetit.
Eek! The Phillipines' national bird-hero is the monkey-eating eagle. And here was I thinking we didn't have any really scary enemies.
I mean it.
This is a really disturbing piece of fiction.
Not in a graphic, "I never believed I'd be writing to Penthouse" way, but a creepy-crawly-things-are-under-my-skin kind of way.
And before you ask, no, it's not robot-having-sex-with-monkey. You'll just have to read it yourself.
So read it.
b****fire, you just close your eyes and think about daffodils or something, and forget you ever saw this post.
On the web I discovered that I'm not the only one who remembers one of our most beloved simian thespians. What's truly scary is that B.J. and the Bear had a spinoff. Also scary was the fact that the show was inspired by a movie about a country boy and his monkey. Also scary is the fact that the actor who played B.J. has a CD out.
This whole thing is scary, as a matter of fact. Hold me.
Much like our wonderchicken friend, I would like to declare a holy war. For far too long, we have suffered under the most inhuman abuse imaginable. This abuse must stop. I call upon you, my brothers and sisters to help me wipe the land clean of this terror. And my holy war would be on this:
Weak, lame ass comedian cliches that are worn out or "played". I demand the complete cessation of the following "jokes":
* Michael Jackson is a white woman.
* What's the deal with airplanes?
* Only homosexuals like show tunes.
* The French love Jerry Lewis.
* If it was a three hour tour, why'd they bring all those clothes?
* "Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one?"
* White people can't dance.
* Black comedians who only make jokes about black singers.
Feel free to join my crusade and add your enemies to my list. Onward Monkey Soldiers!
Let's talk about boobies.
Does the mere mention of boobies make 9622 a boyzone? Does the discussion of boobies violate the "no-pornography" clause of the 9622.net charter? Is it even possible to talk about boobies in a rational, non-sexist manner? Is the word "boobies" itself a sexist term?
I don't pretend to have the answers here, friends. I just ask the questions that apparently everyone else wants to tiptoe around for fear of being labeled a pervert, or being viewed as somewhat less-than-enlightened vis-a-vis women's rights.
I categorize this under "Miguel", because he is European and lives in a city near many beautiful beaches, and thus is more likely than I to be exposed to publically exposed boobies on a regular basis, and yet he seems a perfectly normal human being anyway, regardless of what he'd like you to believe.
Now, I give you boobies:
Seeing some of the snarkiness (not to mention outright bigotry) on the blue makes me damned glad there is a place I can lay back, kick up my heels, and post a monkey picture without fear of retaliation and public scorning.
I've tweaked one of those wu-Name scripts to something more to our liking. What is your Shakespearian Monkey Name?
For about a month now - and waxpancake's statistics back me up - there seems to be a lot less activity over on dear old MetaFilter. 9622.net is thriving but the fact that we're all here together sort of labels us as a well-knit group over there. It's embarrassing to keep responding to and praising our fellow monkey lovers. Perhaps it's no place for fun and high seriousness anymore. I keep thinking about jpoulos's and pikachulolita's well-founded positions and Kafkaesque's reminders that this is the place to be now.
Can it be that MetaFilter is becoming secondary to us? It's sad but the truth is, apart from those friends already here and no more than ten others over on the blue and grey, there's more fun and intelligence to be had here on 9622.net.
My question is: would it be OK to make unfunny posts here? We all love books, music and the great problems of life. Aren't we trying too hard to be monkey-funny and losing out on what really moves us? I was just reading the latest haiku thread and thinking we all seem to be evading the stuff we love most for the sake of laughter; when laughter, writing, love and reading are what we're all most passionate about and - dare I say it? - better at.
turn off your music
bow and say a quick prayer
give thanks to Skippy
May he rest in peace.
The rainforest hides many thing, not all of them pleasant... I give you: the tale of the Brazilian War Monkeys! Don't try to fight them...
Something's not right with this commercial - not that I can figure out what it is. Time to giddout dem fie-loh-sophie burques!
I need to post a link to test my new DSL connection, and what better than a cute college babe who seems to have a thing for primates?
Warning: graphics-intensive. Also, you can see boobies if you click one of the "censored" links. You have been warned.
Yet another post about the CDswap.
The lists have been sent out. We did it in three groups.
Click here to see the final groups.
I think we should shoot for two weeks to get your discs in the mail. As I said in the email, if you don't live up to your end of the deal, you will be publicly humiliated.
If you're not on the list, and you should be--or if you have any other questions, let me know at cdswap@9622.net ASAP.
Monkey disco In honor of someone who will go unnamed, I present a nice, sweet game about bunny rabbits. Tell me about the rabbits, George.
Still, we have our faithful blue and grey monkey
diligently taking messages for that beloved blue and grey community weblog.
So what would you have posted to MetaFilter if it were up? And how long do you reckon before withdrawal symptoms set in? Get your ya-yas out, boys and girls! May the mourning soon be over and the simian festivities begin!
Rare, recently discovered images of our monkey-lovin' members have just been published by an obscure French web site. Dong_resin is the only one identified so far, given away by his habitual "To metatalk or not to metatalk" pose. [Via Nutcote.]
Is this you, Davis? And is anyone else lucky enough to have an online monkey identity?[Click on the smiling, winking monkey for the identification].
so, did the bee gees really know how to speak jive?
i mean, june cleaver did, so i suppose that it's possible. but still: i doubt.
It appears that Monkey Love is a band after our own collective hearts. For example:
"While playing out, Chris enjoys the taste of Kahluha & Cream (+ banana rum occasionally)"
--
"While on stage, Chris' worst moments come from forgetting lyrics in the middle of a song, but it's all dismissed when someone trips over a monitor..."
They're actually pretty good. You can listen to them here. I'm particularly partial to Know It All.
"I'm not afraid to call for Freebird.... I will not hide from "Freebird". In between songs, I will lift my voice as though it were a choir of angels, singing with one accord: "Freebird!" "Freebird!" "Freebird!" Who dares deny my ears this magnificent musical opus?"
Replacing Bootsy Collins, after his departure from The Mothership to form his own Rubber Band, Koko joined George Clinton's quest for Intergalactic Funkiness. Mr Wiggles the Worm could not be reached for comment, but his ladies Giggle and Squirm did laugh with glee at the news. Koko immediately developed a glide in his stride, and a dip in his hip, as he bounced on up to The Mothership.
"Match up the lines of monkeys burping and shouting "Feck!" A real brain-teaser, then."
And so finally Drunky Monkey finds its rightful home!
This worked for me. [I tried to create a "Unusual Monkey Ceramics and Other Gross American Pottery Products" category but it defeated me].
In related news, team jersey sales are about to go through the Fucka'ing roof.
When you find youself in danger,
When you're threatened by a stranger,
When it looks like you will take a lickin',
(puk, puk, puk, puk)
There is someone waiting,
Who will hurry up and rescue you,
just Call for SuperWonder Chicken!
(puk, ack!)
Fred, if you're afraid you'll have to overlook it,
Besides you knew the job was dangerous when you took it
(puk, ack!)
He will drink his super sauce
And throw the bad guys for a loss
And he will bring them in alive and kickin'
(puk, puk, puk, puk)
There is one thing you should learn
When there is no one else to turn to
Call for SuperWonder Chicken!
(puk, puk, puk, puk)
Call for SuperWonder Chicken!
(puk, ack!)
[shamelessly ripped from here]
on a completely unrelated note, my new favorite band name.
via poopreport.com (i was trying to find out if i can send poop to people--thanks lupo!)
Pravda.RU Monkey poop makes the best coffee
Rich coffee lovers are going crazy for a new kind of coffee, made from the coffee beans that have been through the alimentary canal of the Indonesian monkeys.
Hey, it must be true! Pravda printed it!
As a follow-up to this thread, if you want to participate in the CDswap, send your name, nick, and mailing address to cdswap@9622.net. If you're using hotmail, you may get a note saying your email has been bounced, since my workplace refuses hotmail. Don't worry, your email will go to my home address as well.
Hard on the heels of his friend Red's spectacular appearance on MetaFilter's new server, introduced by compére adampsyche... Please, ladies and gentlemen, welcome Joe Black!
From the same musical geniuses that gave the world the weeeee! song, a verse or two for Koko.
Enough pussyfooting around the CD Swap issue. Let's put our K-TEL collections where our mouths are (that's purely figurative of course. Those edges can be sharp!) and organize this hullabaloo.
Consider this thread the final registration. Then we'll figure out how many participants we have and how to manage the swap. If we have 25 people, we probably won't want to burn 24 discs, so we have that to contend with.
Obivously, don't put your address in your reply to this thread, unless you want Miguel showing up at your door at all hours of the night, pissed as a newt on expensive cognac and looking for love.
Let's just get a count of definite participants, and if you welched before, you are not eligible. Simple as that. I hope your toes fall off.
Monkeyladies is online and waiting to serve our bachelor monkey brethren.
A sample:
"I am so single, happy, funny, crazy, nurturing, basically a groomer and a treehousemaker by nature. I want for my lover to give a love equal to my need for strong, gentle, rich, caring and equal to me. Together, my friend, we will create a beauty world in the treetops. Do you like coconuts?"
(reposted from last night)
Usually, it doesn't even enter my mind. Tonight, it strikes me full-on, like an uppercut from a good heavyweight boxer. Miguel is a famous writer!
I know it's common knowledge. It's also like that drunk uncle no one talks about. Everyone sees him, but no one sees him, you know?
So, may I present a selection from the fair-haired boy himself, as translated into German by Kirsten Brandt, as translated into English by Google(r).
I think it loses something in the two translations. :)
And if you don't go to read it, go for the picture in the middle of the page. What a handsome lad he was!
Yhbc is Commish; Kafkaesque is Kaf; mr_crash_davis is Crash; ColdChef is CC, et caetera. But what about the rest of us? Are we not entitled? Are we not worthy? As with soccer players and teams, you don't really exist until you have a collectively determined nickname. As Calimero said: it's an injustice, it is. So here's hoping amends will soon be made.
with image searching and/or photoshopping skills. Use your awesome powers for good for a change. We're throwing our fourth annual "Once in a Blue Moon" party next month (yes, of course you're all invited) - the name is obviously getting a little inappropriate at this point - and I need a little help with the invitation. Here's shots of the last three invitations, to give you an idea of the type of party we're talking about here.
This year, Chris wanted to do something with Elvis singing "Blue Moon of Kentucky", but I have been unable to come up with just the right shot of a young Elvis, preferably holding a guitar suggestively and crooning into the mike. She said "why don't you ask your goofy friends for help?" "Good idea!", I said.
Any takers? Thanks in advance ...
The term "Best of All Time" is thrown around way too easily these days, but a man who truly wasleft us today. Last of the true alpha male athletes, you ask me. We'll miss you Ted...
I am at work today, and evidently none of you are! Why is it that on the one day when no one else is here in my cellblock department, and I can goof around all I want, you are all sleeping off your 4th of July hangovers and enjoying the sun? I'm so bored, maybe I'll post a Weekly World News article to MeFi just to spark some pre-thread-smoting jokes. Ah, to hell with it. Here's a monkey. She looks pretty restless. 29 minutes until lunch...
Yeah, it's upside down. You try marching and chewing gum at the same time. Happy Fourth of July, everybody!
Do you see yourself as a flighty, romantic, cool and detached sort of person?
OR
more as a down-to-earth, realistic, sedentary and generally miserable bastard?
[Results Inside]
So You Want to Date a Stripper
A list of dos and don't dos, including:
DO remember this: strippers are more fucked up than The Who was during their 1973 U.K. "Quadrophenia" Tour. They're a bad lot to hang out with, because there's so much freedom and money in Stripperville. They've got it all and they don't need you or anyone else. All they need is their Xanax and Raspberry Stoli on the rocks and their job. Yeah - the job. That's what fuels the lifestyle and you're never going to pry her from it. Don't even suggest it.
did someone say unruly?
um, first post, hope it's not a double. i know how popular monkey art is.
Sorry, I couldn't resist. I've been waiting to use this .gif for ages.
Let's start a conga line : "Miguel Got Spanked In Meta! Uh! Miguel Got Spanked In Meta! Uh! Miguel Got Spanked In Meta..."
"She fondly recalls Kubie, the 14-year-old western lowland gorilla who made headlines in January for throwing excrement at Boston politicians. The feisty primate threw the stuff at Hanratty and eleven other participants in the seminar Understanding Gorilla Behaviour" Dodging dung doesn't sound like a typical pastime for a banking executive. Then again, Hanratty doesn't fit the image of a large bank's vice-president."
Ah, a woman after my own checking account!