Update from the Google department: Thanks in no small part to the tireless efforts of the Craddock brothers, we have moved up to the number seven spot in Google's ranking for "drubk".
We can do better. We will do better.
Happy Labor Day Weekend, everybody!
What I've got you've got to give it to your mamma
What I've got you've got to give it to your pappa
What I've got you've got to give it to your daughter
You do a little dance and then you drink a little water
What I've got you've got to get it put it in you
What I've got you've got to get it put it in you
What I've got you've got to get it put it in you
Reeling with the feeling don't stop continue
"You'd better send me my royalties pronto, Phillip Coffey, man!"
Yes, yes, everybody wants to be an assertive, no-shit Silverback like me but, unfortunately, not all of us can be - it's just not fecible. Take the test and find out. Cheating is allowed, as per usual.
I would like to declare a holy war, here and now, against people who refer to their computers as "stupid."
"Stupid program?" Okay, I can see that.
"Stupid error messages?" On the cusp, but okay, I'll allow it.
But, "This computer is so stupid. It won't do anything I want it to." is not acceptable.
I can understand my co-workers' anger. Yes, sometimes technology is frustrating. Yes, sometimes the programs we use are non-intuitive. But striking the side of the computer does not make it process faster. Errors do not disappear if you scream at the screen, grit your teeth, and fling your hands up in the air.
And let's talk about that hand flinging. Just, who, exactly are you performing for? These theatrics do not impress me. They do not make me empathize with you more. These theatrics make me hate you and your ass face.
Yes, it's bad photoshoppery but we never let the stark reality of our crappy cut n' paste skills stand in the way of a good joke. Guess who the indie/new-wave pioneer is and feel smug at the same time.
It's either colds or the Martian Death Flu. This gives us plenty of time (between naps) to contemplate things like life-size, stainless-steel installations of anthropomorphic monkeys.
Rona Pondick's Monkeys, and other equally disturbing works, are currently on view at the DeCordova Museum and Sculpture Park in Lincoln, Mass. If you go, bring us some chicken soup. And stop making all that racket.
Are you a curmudgeon before your time? Does practically anything leave you totally grumpy? Are you cynical and bitter even after you've had a few?
If you're a fan of "One Foot In The Grave" you'll know what this BBC Quiz is all about. If not, tough cheese! Or don't be like that - go ahead anyway. We're talking universal values here. And you get to win extra Anglophilia points too. Not that they're worth much nowadays... *sigh*
This month's Smithsonian Magazine has a very good, but disturbing article on the illegal trade in Indonesia of baby orangutans for pets.
The trade is driving the entire species towards extinction - as Dr. Willie Smits puts it. "when you see a baby orangutan for sale as a pet, you can assume that the mother was shot."
Smits' organization runs the Wanariset Project to, among other things, reintroduce confiscated baby orangs back into the wild. The photographs of them are, of course, heartbreaking. Monkey (and other simian) friends who wish to help this and other projects are invited to become a member of BOS-USA (the Balikpapan Orangutan Society - USA).
We culturally-famished third-worlders have been having a lot of fun today over on my blog with a cheesy (yet accurate) bio-rhythm matchmaker. Women are getting mainly much younger men and older women; men are getting mostly embarassing over-the-hill starlets and, for male soul-buddies, brothers of has-beens.
Everyone's looking for a perfect 100% fit; very rare. Of course we Portuguese have to google to find out who these people are. You sophisticated Yanks and Canucks should be able to feel insulted straight away.
The Lisbon rules are: you must confess to both male and female spiritual siblings and explain why you are outraged and feel you deserve better in a humiliating way.
Today I celebrate my first birthday on the blue side. What's the big whup you say? Well I never would have met so many twisted, eloquent, hilarious people had it not been for that side. And had it not been for that side, I never would have found myself feebly flinging feces over here. So happy birthday to me and thanks, all you magnificent sonofabitches.
I'm feeling verklempt.
Coupla jungle-gyms back, there, adampsyche suggested a desert island books thread, and I think that's a mighty fine idea. I'd really like to know (and be able to refer back to during my clandestine e-book searches) what books without which my monkey-brethren simply could not live. And so, this.
The Pontiac burns
I stand and watch it smolder
Twelve payments remain.
In response to Lupo's question posed in my previous thread -
As you know, clicking the "join the discussion" link under each entry takes you to the corresponding thread on 9622.net - say, to http://www.9622.net/admin/archives/000805.html#000805 in the case of my previous post.
I found that I can hand-type in all the pertinent information except for the 9622.net part, so that I go to http://www.9622.menacedbyelves.com/admin/archives/000805.html#000805 instead. A similar switch gets me to the movable type section, to post new threads.
I still can't figure out a way to hard-code the individual comments, though - the "post" buttons are linked only to 9622.net, and I can't bypass them. Oh well.
(I'll shut up now, since this is taking up way too much of the front page).
Shh - be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm surfing 9622.net (actually, 9622.menacedbyelves.com) from work. Hahahahahaha.
After some experimenting, I found how to jury-rig a way into the comments as well - but, I still can't make new comments (that function only goes through the 9622.net domain). Oh, well - for now, I'm your silent lurker bee during the day, then.
Finally, this is itself an experiment to see if I can post to the front page through the menacedbyelves domain. Since this seems to be mildly titillating images day, here then is an old Ananova story about a woman breastfeeding an abandoned monkey.
Part of an ongoing effort to drive that shocking goat picture to fascism, i.e. the far-right.
This is just a little modesty screen to push the goat picture a bit to the right and allow Adam to do some work take the occasional two-minute break. It will come down at sundown and all will be revealed.
A harmless bit of satyr? No, really, what do people here think of Joel-Peter Witkin's photographs? Here are ten images from his website and his Love and Redemption exhibition. As he's so respected (in Europe venerated would be a better word) and is obviously a master of composition, the question of the ethical framework of his work is rarely discussed. The reason I'm raising the question here is this request, made on his website. Are your BS detectors quivering or does it seem OK for art's sake and all that?
[Warning: Some of his photographs are truly disturbing and, though not salacious or pornographic, would be difficult to explain at work.]
Googling "9622" can be dangerous.
*Dials cellphone from the deepest jungles of India*
Professor: "Hello, 9622? Thank God I got a hold of you!"
9622 Support: "How can we help you sir?"
Professor: "I'm knee deep in Rhesus feces and don't know how to get out".
9622 Support: "Well scoop it up and fling it back, fuckwit. Thanks for calling *click* Next!"
This guy seems to have some time and materials on his hands and an odd but delightful hobby and there's a simian among his menagerie. Corny, yes, but just what the doctor ordered for this tired chimp.
Watch this short educational film and ask yourself is it any wonder we men find it difficult to get a grip on ourselves, man. [From this good website, requires WindowsMedia.]
[Or how not to throw out the bath water with the beloved little pygmy marmoset we call 9622.net]
Commish has just brought our relationship with MetaFilter into the open. Kaf has warned us about this since day one. I'm probably the guiltiest party so far, as I've linked to us twice - though the one on the original 9622 thread shouldn't count.
But it's probably time we agreed on how to behave over on the sacré bleu so that it doesn't look like a rampage of not-so-subliminal self-linking. Some rules seem obvious: no linking; no private 9622 jokes; no monkey-derailments on innocent threads which happen to mention, say, the Kinks or Alice Faye.
Knowing how we work here, this should almost certainly be over by comment no. 7 and we can get back to what we do best. I mean, it is Friday! Yee ha!
It was then that Kafkaesque, in a sudden fit of pique, proceeded to demonstrate to the mandolin-strumming barbarians, assembled at the 9622 drinking picnic, the correct stance for initiating an impromptu, sexually-charged minuet - and fuck the consequences.
Me and jpoulos were shooting the shit a few minutes ago when I joked that if we ever did 9622 Radio, I wanted to be our Johnny Fever. Wiseass little chimps that we are we ran with it and here is our cast of WKRP in Cincinatti or 9622 in Cyberspace. I'm sure you all will go nuts recasting every sitcom under the sun, so here's our start:
Andy Travis:Kafkaesque(he's got the hair)
Mr.Carlson:YHBC
Herb Tarlek:stavros in a bad suit(we had to pick someone)
Bailey Quarters:brittney
Johnny Fever:jonmc
Venus Flytrap:jpoulos(we're blowing out his afro as we speak)
Les Nessman:Miguel
Jennifer:witchstone
Let the fun begin!!
It's time to find out. Of course a far more urgent task is to size up politicians, screen actors, clergymen, friends, romans, countrymen and other distinguished pricks...
Hey, you wanted Dr. Ruth, you got her!
A product no simian should be without. Like this or this or even this. This on the onther hand is just wrong somehow.
All images are from Tom's Wacky Packages Page, the most complete guide to the card series I've seen online. I'm willing to bet that more than a few monkey islanders sense of humor was molded in part by these gems, which could be very twisted, occasionally surreal and even branching off into satire of satire.
Wallow, brethren, wallow!
For a mere $35, we can get a 6x3 bed. Do I smell the next 9622.net group purchase?
Now is the time during the 9622.net CD Swap when we begin to humiliate those who have yet to send out their discs.
Who are they? And who do they think they are?!
This may not be the greatest thing I've ever seen, but it's pretty damn close. The power, the glory, the beauty that is APEDANCE. Get down, get back up again.
It's now official. There will be a monkey related Extreme Croquet match on Saturday, the 28th Sunday, the 29th of September in West Hartford, Connecticut. This freak show is run by the Commish's brothers-in-law and should be fun for all. Anyone in the vicinity should try to come out and unstick those wickets! The Commish and I will be there and I should hope that more Monkey would be interested. (jpoulos and jonmc, this means you!)
My proposal: we all legally change our names to one of these famous monkeys. I call Zakhar.
Okay. Far be it from me to mess with the formula and resist the urge to start early with a Friday-type thread. We've talked about your favorites.
Now what's your least favorite song? What song would you least like to be trapped in an elevator listening to?
Monkey Cliff Diving!
Yahoo! News - Apes Lack Gene for Speech, Study Finds
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A few key changes in a single gene help explain why people can talk while mice and apes cannot, researchers said on Wednesday.
The gene, called FOXP2, seems to be involved in the face and jaw movements necessary for speech, the researchers in Germany and Britain said.
So let me get this straight: scientists can introduce this gene into our brethren, and create a breed of talking monkeys? Would that be like the Secret of NIMH?
Now that I've gotten some swap discs from you all and have an idea of what most of the monkey musical tastes are like, I think it's time for a list of Desert Island Discs. If you don't know the DID rules, they are as easy as this: 10 cds you can't live without. That's all, that's it. Mine will be on its way shorty.
And yes, I did mean to call you "shorty."
Relax and leave the thinking to us.
President Bush, are you trying to tell us something?
[from Adam Felber of Fanatical Apathy]
With great thanks (again) to Mr_Crash_Davis for his inimitable photoshop skills, I (humbly) extend an invitation to all you good monkeys:
In deference to the "public" nature of the site, I've blanked out the contact info, but if anybody is in the area, please email me (you know how to find it) and, please, drop by.
Salud, monkey amigos y amigas!
Well, I said blue moon of Kentucky, keep on shinin' ...
Malcolm Gladwell's piece in the August 5 New Yorker examines the science (and hermeneutics) of reading faces; the scholars and intuitive geniuses who are able to tell a liar from a truth-teller, a threat from a harmless goof. The face has been mapped - each muscle and gesture sorted into a subtle dichotomy, a lexicon for cop, scientist, judge, lover.
"The two men, protégé and mentor, sat at the back of the room, as faces flickered across the screen. Ekman had told Tomkins nothing about the tribes involved; all identifying context had been edited out. Tomkins looked on intently, peering through his glasses. At the end, he went up to the screen and pointed to the faces of the South Fore. "These are a sweet, gentle people, very indulgent, very peaceful," he said. Then he pointed to the faces of the Kukukuku. "This other group is violent, and there is lots of evidence to suggest homosexuality." Even today, a third of a century later, Ekman cannot get over what Tomkins did. "My God! I vividly remember saying, "Silvan, how on earth are you doing that?"""
This is a fascinating article - reminiscent of some of Oliver Sacks' anthropological psychology. The technique apparently works on monkeys, too.
(Call this an experiment in the "it's okay to be unfunny" 9622. (Via the always-inspiring Morning News.)
I had my first 9622 dream last night. What a nightmare. The postman had brought what seemed like a multitude of pygmy marmosets, with some beer nuts sellotaped to the sides of the box. They had diarrhea, my wife trashed the computer and they killed all the cats.
Again with the swap thread?
I just have to say that I am very angry at this point. I hold now, in my sweaty, stinky, grubby hands, seven discs full of kick ass music. All lovingly compiled and carefully crafted.
What? You think I got nothing better to do than sit around listening to music all day? Where are the lousy discs? Was mine the only subpar one? Who the hell do you think you're fooling?
Where am I going to find the time to enjoy all of this new mindblowing music?
I hope you all rot in hell...
Above: A Helping Hands helper monkey assists one of the programs most "challenged" individuals. Thanks to your donations, Jason can now lead a reasonably normal life--except for all the poo.
Thanks to your kind and generous donations to the Buy-A-Brick fund, we have enough to buy the brick.
The tally has reached $92.08 (after PayPal fees). One of the admins has conveniently found $7.92 in the cushions of his sofa, to put us over the top.
We'll send out the check on Monday. Zod only knows how long it will take to actually get a brick installed, but we'll keep you updated.
The monkeys thank you.
I (reluctantly) call for an end to anonymous or pseudonymous commenting, and to 200+ comment threads. They end up monopolizing the entire site, and take away from the enjoyment of the entire site if you're not involved with the thread from the beginning. They also (I can't believe I'm saying this) could give a very bad impression to a first-time visitor to the site.
Being the inclusionary monkeys that we are, I don't think it's a good thing to foster and encourage (by example) behaviors that set a small group of readers and participants apart from the rest of the herd ... no, maybe, um ... how about pride ... definitely not, how about just group ... no, too generic ... well, then monkeys.
Okay, I'm done now.
Go to film.
"She meant nothing to me. Take me back. It won't happen again."
[Photo refers to the squirrel problem in Central Park and was changed by special request from adampsyche]
Ew, this is what you get if you google too much. I wasn't brave enough to check out if monkeys were being stuffed too (cf. Kafkaesque's hilarious key-chain joke over on the blue) but surely something must be done! Lupo's historic "Wheeeeee!" post on the original 9622 thread comes to mind.
So, even though the current swap hasn't quite ended we have people that want in on our swappy goodness. Any thoughts on when we should have the next one?
Note: This is apparently someone's college project. I don't mean to cast aspersions on anyone, but I'm guessing that this person is not an "A" student.
OK!
Things may have gotten a little out of hand in that other thread, what with all those deities and assorted riff-raff stopping in for a spot of tea and salvation. I offer you this new (and very serious) thread in which to review the CDs which have winged their way into your mailboxes. Unless you had Optamystic in your trading group, in which case the CDs you sent to him will never be delivered, because he sleeps under a bridge in Hollywood.
Or something.
Have at it, ye scurvy dogs!
I swear, they should have these things on a weekend...it's way to early to be at work...
Pics here, and I must publicly lament not having the time to hang with more of the MeFiers and not getting a wider array of pictures. That said, I am sure that there will be more pictures at assorted Web sites soon...and no witchstone/aw catfight! Lawd have mercy! Methinks for the next meetup, we do whitewater rafting...
Hmmm...This little test from the fruits over at Channel Four will allow us monkey-lovers to establish once and for all whether we're too straight or too gay. Unfortunately there's no separate category, as of yet, for unruly bonheurs.
Thanks to Lupo's internal memo, I just looked at 9622.net's traffic stats for the last two weeks: a daily average of 250 visits and 1000 page views, no less! Although it's a bit early for delicious musings along the lines of "Have we become too big for our boots? Should we start thinking about releasing our White Album?", surely some mild trumpet-blowing is in order. I mean, hey, *starts a-whittling and a-rocking on his Sergio Leone-designed porch* do you remember when....?
My entry?
"Everyone loved Rex, right up until he ate Grandma's upper lip. After that, we simply tolerated him."
Yes, I did once ask for Karen and Richard Carpenter's autographs. I even asked them to write "Close to you" in my little book. They didn't. In fact, they just ignored me. That's my most embarrassing music-related moment and it still hurts to remember it. Today I realize, of course, it was Burt Bacharach and Hal David's beautifully crafted song that *cough* attracted me. Anyone else have something they'd prefer to forget, involving extremely dubious music?
Monkey troop rescue their orphan from police station
Via mefi, but damn! if it ain't worth posting here, I don't know what it is.
I for one would like to welcome our new Monkey Overlords...
"The Dancing 6 monkeys on stage -- After the seven panels are displayed, make a dance...If you think that no good monkey, you can remake dance."
Navigate down to the plays section, click on monkeydance, site uses frames so I could not link directly. Oh, and I do promise not to inundate you with Hanuman pics, being indian and all that, well maybe once in a while.
First post folks, be gentle now, and dance that monkey.
Vladimir: That passed the time.
Estragon: It would have passed in any case.
Vladimir: Yes, but not so rapidly.
AKRON, Ohio (AP) -- Ex-congressman James A. Traficant Jr.'s famous mop-top is a rug.
*GASP* You don't say?
As you may or may not know, there was some controversy earlier this week regarding posting images that reside on others' servers.
The administrators of the site have put together our thoughts on the matter, and have come up with some tips to help you avoid getting into hot water with the webmasters of other sites.
Methinks it may be appropriate to start a swap followup thread, to report the CDs we got, give glowing reviews, hurl feces, you know the routine. I have so far received dogmatic's mix (very good) and eyballkid's mix (short review here). They both had me lounging very enjoyably, fondling my nipples and gazing into the sky (instead of my navel, for once).