9622.net

I only wish I had thought of carrying my kid like that earlier.

Abdul the Great is one weird website. Here's how he defines himself:
"Greetings from Abdul the Great. I am the ruler of all I survey. Do not provoke me. Some of my heroes are Attila the Hun, Alexander the Great, Hitler and Ghengis Khan. Some day soon I expect to rule the world.(...)I am also well-dressed."
And which crazed lemur nominated it cult ov thee week? His version of 2001 Space Odyssey is cute - but is it enough?

So today things have been awfully quiet around here, and I haven't had a single error message or doublepost. This leads me to conclude one thing, it's not the size of the site that's the problem--meaning the number of threads in the archive--it's the traffic.
Every time you view or reload a page or post a thread or comment, MT goes back to the database. (or does it? i'm a bit of a novice in this area.) That, I think, is what's triggering the procwatch script. So what's the solution?
(a) we could switch to a MySQL database instead of the berkeley db that is the MT default and which we are currently using. i believe the wonderchicken (or someone) has (negative) experience with this. i don't know if this would work. it would be a shot in the dark.
(b) we could swtich web hosts. i'd hate to have to do this. i've used dreamhost for years and, until now, have been very happy with them. plus, there's no guarantee we wouldn't have the same problems with another host, or that we'd find one as cheap or reliable as dreamhost.
(c) i don't know what (c) is.
Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas?

Do you really need a reminder? Tonight at 10 pm on the UK's BBC2, "The Monkey and the Lesbian", the first episode of the third series of The League of Gentlemen will be aired, followed by the second episode, 'The One-armed Man is King' on BBC Choice at 10.30.
The rest of us poor sods should get to see it sometime in winter.

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia - Twelve small South American monkeys were stolen overnight from a zoo in St. Petersburg, a zoo official said Wednesday, and a sculpture of the protagonist of one the city's most famous tales — a nose — went missing.

That other site is a nightmare tonight, and the p2p networks are turning up their nose at me, so I need a new pastime to share with my monkey buddies. We've talked about soccer, and extreme croquet, even. But can any of these so-called sports compare to the beauty, the granduer and sheer delirium that is 43-Man Squamish. I'm badgering to Olympic people to make it an event. Let's form a team. I dibs Offensive Nibling, we'll need three more...

From the realm of questionable taste, here's the Brains Trust's Grief-O-Meter, designed to realistically measure catastrophes in Dianas and Dandos.

We've upgraded to the latest version of Movabletype. Did it help? Feel free to beat the shit out of this thread testing it out.

And here's a prezzy for him: beautiful, bitchin' bass players galore! I don't know who his favourite is, but mine is Louise Gordon from Veruca Salt. Take your pick, TJ - she's yours! In a metaphorical - but nice - way, of course...

I implore you all to go and download the CaveGirl Winamp plugin. It's really fun to watch, especially because of the monkeys. They really like their cave girl.

In this thread, I am going to drink Girly Dribks, beginning now, and post a comment of some sort upon beginning the consumption of each delicious beverage. In part because it's Chusok - the Thanksgiving harvest-ritual equivalent here in Korea - and booze is one of the things for which I am truly thankful, and in part because I've got fuck-all else to do. Enjoy the Thread Gimmickry!

Learn from this cartoon: Don't call Dubya a MonkeyMan. MonkeyMen gots dignity.

Which one of you is this?

(Nice reparation of the logo, by the way)

I hereby decree along with the other velour-jacketed overlords that another 9622 CD Swap is to be held.

*sorry about the bad grammar before, the fire alarm went off here right as I was about to hit post, and I'm on the 13th Floor*

All hail Great and Glorious Google! I offer up my the blood of my firstborn in praise to the Holy Oracle! Rain manna down upon our heads, O Mighty One!

This and this and this I find particularly amusing, monkey-wise. A whole new language is raising itself out of the muck, out there...

From C.D.F. to Cuntface...from Eating a horse between two pissed-on mattresses to Eyes in two watches...from G-spot Snorker to Gyro Failure...from Hairy Pie to Humping...from Maccaroons to My old bucket of spew...

Slang Indexes don't get much better than this. Is American swearing really superior? Who would win the gold medal at the foul-mouthed Olympics?

And it came to pass that God visited the earth, and He did behold a series of billboard ads attributing to Him utterances of such banality that they would never pass His lips in a billion years. And it came to pass that God in His wrath considered a libel suit, but in the end opted simply to mount a cantankerous, self-contradictory ad campaign of His own. . . .

An autumnal, charming, hippy-dippy, deceptively difficult little game designed to ease you into your working day.

Help! It's driving me mad!

Image hidden to save employment.

The hardworking students at MIT have finally put together a complete gallery of every Playboy centerfold ever published. This was Miss July 1955, the fine powderpuff of womanhood who graced the month I was born in.

Sheeeet - that's too big! Anyone know how to reduce the picture?

Behold, the Anus of Truth.

What do Jean Arp...

Peter Falk and...

... Lauren Bacall have in common?

They all brilliantly prefigured Liam's birthday, that's what!

TODAY!

Yay!

You all know how to whistle, don't you?!

Look, I don't know why I make these things. Stop looking at me like that!

A true professional should know everything they can about their profession. Today, one of 9622's own rose from the ashes of unemployment to obtain what many would consider a dream job.
Congratulations, monkey brother.

"Well I went down to the local arena,
And asked the manager man.
He came from his office and said, "Son, can I help you?"
I looked at him and said, "Yes you can!"
Hey, I wanna drive the Zamboni,
Hey, I wanna drive the Zamboni, yes I do."
--The Zamboni Song

Now it's time for your homework:
A brief history of the Zamboni.

Adam's coffee incident got me to thinking about the various corporate communiqués that are issued throughout the course of a business day. Whether they are in the form of an email, post-it note or a strategically placed computer generated sign, some are just plain damn amusing. Like this cryptic, almost Zen-like one for instance (posted by our company microwave):

Just an update:

The Internal Server Errors and the resulting double-posts are getting out of hand, we know. Please bear with us as we work toward a solution.

Hey, whadda you lookin' at?!

First Johnny, now this.

NEW YORK--Kim Hunter, the versatile actress who won a supporting Oscar in 1951 as the long-suffering Stella in ''A Streetcar Named Desire'' and appeared in three ''Planet of the Apes'' movies, died Wednesday. She was 79.

We all know the female is deadlier than the male but there be some striking beauties out there. But are we friends enough yet to tell each other about that time, way back when our hearts were mere tender chitterlings, when we were stung?

*with a nod to the EBK's legendary geoduck*

If its true that some people are destined by their very names for their fate, then Johnny Unitas was born to be an NFL quarterback. And to play in black and white.

Double-posts abound
Technical difficulties
We're working on it

The crew here at 9622 seems to be a pretty with it bunch, especially when it comes to music. But deep in recesses of every hipsters soul are those guilty pleasures, those egregiously uncool numbers that we can't help but love. For instance, when "The Worst That Could Happen" by Johnny Maestro and the Brooklyn Bridge comes on the car radio, the volume goes up and I'm crooning like a maniac.

I'm sure you all have equally dorky songs that you treasure. So come out of the closet and tell em to the world, I say!

Anyone want to take the adampsyche challenge and tell me in what movie you might find these fine thundersluts? Yes lupo, you created a monster.

Sometimes, when things get really ugly, it's necessary to run nekid through the periwinkle.

*doffs tighty-whities*

*scampers*

So, although I have a general idea where most of us monkey lovers are situated, I think it would be nice to have a roll-call reference thread. You know,for when you're about to get mad at something Marquis wrote and then you remember "Oh! He's Canadian! He can't help it!"

This should be an easy one. Bonus points for their names, the song they were singing, and what band did live covers of the song with a vacuum cleaner.

Ye Olde boob is hanging out!

Will the 9622 Thundersluts™ please submit their photos for photoshopping. Thank you.

Pop quiz : A big wonderchicken kiss, tongue and all, if you can tell me which movie I just screencapped this image from. (Hint : It's not The Big Lebowski, but it's heaps of fun nonetheless.) And another avian smoocharoonie if you can find me a pic of Donald Sutherland screeching and pointing, from the remake of Invasion of The Body Snatchers...

I just thought I'd mention this here, since I don't think anyone else would care.

So, you know at the very start of "The Big Lebowski" when the dude is buying some half and half at Ralph's? And he writes a check for 69¢? Well, the date on the check is:

September 11, 1991.

I'm just sayin'.

What do the monkeys do when they're not flingin' poo or gettin drubk? Sometimes they singnify(hilarious realaudio) mofo!

This and other bits of beautiful insanity at Dolemite.com.

That's me.

I have a very bad habit of shopping online when I come home from the bars.

Anyone else seeing this a little too often? I'm thinking our admins are spending a little too much time getting drubk, and a little too little time...adminning...or whatever it is we're paying them for.

What? They're not getting paid?

Never mind.

Parmalat kind of freaks me out. I mean, when I'm at the office and I get milk out of the cupboard--well, doesn't that defy all laws of nature or anger the gods or something?

I try not to think about it too much because I have to put it in my coffee.

MetaFilter is down.

In the meanwhile, have you heard about the idiots who are selling the Harry Potter broom?

Research shows monkeys can count.

Well, duh. How else would Mama know how many were jumping on the bed?

Can't sleep, monkey dreams
plaguing me: swinging vines and
hooting in my mind.

The Risky Whisky game, currently #1 in Catania, Sicily.

Fearing an influx of red gorilla scab workers infiltrating MLB, and the reduction of standard wage currency to fruit, baseball players quickly settled their labor dispute with owners, dooming "Red" and scores of other MLB hopefuls to countless more years toiling in the minor gorilla leagues.

Please caption...

Words are cheap but, these days, big words represent particular good value. I'm enjoying this Grandiloquent Dictionary I found over on the Eclectica blog. There's a game to be played with it too. I suggest posting a sentence containing one of these words and the next person to comment takes a stab at guessing what it means.

I start you off with:

ColdChef may be a mamma's boy but I'd bet my bottom dollar he's a mammothrept first and foremost.

Despite the great example given to us in this image, I am having a difficult time finding resources for monkey table manners.

Hope this is somewhat work safe. I must have one of these.

Do play Snowrider, the latest release from OriSinal Games.

God forbid you should actually get some work done today!

Dear 9622 Designer, Comrade And Friend: This may well be the best chicken film ever made. Though it's still not a shadow on you.

The other Le Parkour commercials are just as brilliant. Fukotomi, for instance, just makes you want to get out and sit down.

TOnight we have 2, count 'em TWO drubk Craddock brothers at the same time...

(ok, this is actaully a cheap ploy to move up the Google ratings...)

But how is everyone else doing this weekend?

Some say Caruso defined the role of Canio, others would say Mario Lanza or even Placido Domingo.

They are all wrong. None could hold a candle to Mr. Winkie:

Ellen Feiss is so five minutes ago.

Monkeys like Apples.

[via ellenfeiss.net]

Jweet Seesus, what was this thread about?

Are monkey-lovers, with or without unruly boners, whether or not they're drubk behind their modesty screens, inbetween servers or recovering from righteous pollockings, lucky in love or just poo-flinging English majors? Choose your favourite penis amulet here and, for the sake of Google and thigh-land, wave it about a bit, won't you?