Happy Birthday tizzie! Do you realize this is your third birthday here? We're honored to have you.
I'm concerned, however, that there is not enough cake for everyone. I'm worried that genitals might be mauled as a result. Someone run to the Piggly Wiggly, stat!
Fifty-three percent of workers say they feel like they work with a bunch of monkeys...and one in five say they think their boss is a monkey.
Apparently, in an effort to protect their circus and zoo animals from the record-low temperatures, the Russians have been giving them booze.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. As the mercury plunged to below -30C in Russia's coldest winter for three decades, what better way to help a freezing elephant fight off the cold than with a bucketful of warm, vodka-based toddy.
And what better for Indra, a 39-year-old Indian elephant, than to drain the bucket to the last fortifying drop of the drink beloved of Russians down the ages.
Moments later, however, the star of the circus was on the rampage. With alcohol coursing through its veins it ran wildly round its enclosure, smashing hot water radiators and tearing them from the wall. Indra was subdued only after giving itself and two other elephants a hot shower.
....Reports of the elephant's drunken behaviour were followed by accounts of monkeys at a zoo in Lipetsk, south of Moscow, being given wine three times a day "to protect against colds", and of a sea lion treated for pneumonia with brandy body rubs.
