9622.net

This just in: There may have been a sighting in Dublin, at popular Lillies Bordello, "a velour-draped neo-Victorian disco packed with cyber-age lords of the dance."

He's probably at the computer shop screaming at the technician in Portuguese.

At least that is the only excuse I will accept.
*humph*

"Habala hebala hibala hobala! Hubala habala dong_resin habala hibila hebala hobala!" *

* - trans: "What do you mean it is not compatible! My good American friend dong_resin assured me it would be compatible!"

Where's Miguel?

I shouldn't let the cat out of the bag, but you know that show American Idol? Our man Cardoso has dreams he gotta follow...

It is certainly not the mac!

I'm going with:

11. Canasta with the Cheneys in an undisclosed secret location.

Ok, so maybe I don't know Miguel and can't contribute in an in-jokey way, but...

Crash, that pic is so my wallpaper at work now.

*salutes Crash*

It is certainly not the mac!

My thinking is;it is the mac, as in, he is learning how to use. Or enjoying it so that it is taking up his extra time. But not ever using one, maybe I'm wrong...

That's the thing Thom. You don't need to learn how to use the mac. I think he is just lurking, getting an ego boost from all this chit-chat here and in #mefi about where he is.

kidnapped, tortured, deceased and mummified in evan izer's closet. no, not THAT closet...

Maybe he got a taste of real life and got addicted to it?

Real what?

Please, bunny, shatter not my happy illusions.

he hasn't been here either....

I'd like to see what a non-deceased mummy looks like. I'm sure you have pictures quons.

I can't speak for everyone, but "real life" is what sends me scurrying for the dark corner that is 9622.

The computer in this here internet cafe is blocking access to Miguel's site because it contains the term "abused drugs". Is he perhaps drifting in a haze of absinthe and opiates?

Miguel is on a deep cover assignment, propping up some banana republic and urging them to begin Port production.

"No, you fools! The color, it must be Ruby! RUBY! But, in truth, it is I who am at fault. I am filled with joie de vivre at your noble attempts to produce the finest from these lowly grapes."

"Yes, Il Presidente!"

Kaf, you're so right. It's obvious he's now the dictator of some third world nation like, oh, I don't know, Portugal or something.

How dare you!?

What, no one is posting an obit for Maurice Gibb?

I guess we know how deep your love is.

Let's all watch as much of Sgt Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band as can be reasonably expected of us. I give it five minutes, not counting the Steve Martin part.

*sigh*

Ok, I'll admit it. I've had him tied up in my basement this whole time. I've been forcing him to viddy Clean and Sober over and over again, with those little devices to hold his eyes open and all.

That's the thing Thom. You don't need to learn how to use the mac.

Cool, because I may be buying one soon, too...

Adam, you monster! A Michael Keaton movie?!?

I'm calling Amnesty International.

If Mr. Mom had been around in 1945, we could have saved up Fat Man and Little Boy, preferably for the remaining Bee Gees.

Seriously, that's not a good movie.

Beetlejuice I'll give him. I liked Beetlejuice.

But sometimes, one must be sacrificed to save the many. Or something. I think Mr. Spock said that.

Get the Illinois governor on the phone, and I might commute his sentence to a William Baldwin marathon.

OK, I've been holding back out of good taste, but we're all thinking it:

Ah Ah, Ah Ah, No Longer Alive, No Longer Alive

Ah Ah, Ah Ah, No Longer Aliiiiiive

And FWIW, pre-disco they were actually a pretty good band. "To Love Somebody" was a good enough tune to get covered by Janis Joplin.

So, Godspeed, Barry.

I've been holding back out of good taste

Hello? Hello? Where did you think you were?

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."

--Spock, Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan.

I admit, I shed a tear or two when he died.

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one."

--Spock, Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan.

As God is my witness, I hope I live to see the day when an American President quotes Spock in the State of the Union.

9622.net: --Spock, Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan

Godspeed Maurice, I mean. I just ate this Maple Pecan Whip British sweet concoction which may make me lose teeth all by itself. Blame the sugar buzz.

The only way any foreseeable president would quote that would be to call him a pinko.

But I too would like to see a President quote Spock. Or Bobcat Goldthwait.

Godspeed Maurice, I mean. I just ate this Maple Pecan Whip British sweet concoction which may make me lose teeth all by itself. Blame the sugar buzz.

And blame it for not posting too...

Maybe he could say "Live long and prosper" at the end of every press conference? That'd be bitchin'.

Or he could mind-meld with the misunderstood youth of today, like on that one episode with the giant lava-booger-monster.

"The children! The children!"

As God is my witness, I hope I live to see the day when an American President quotes Spock in the State of the Union.

*furiously begins illustrious career as Presidential speech writer*

Hell, I'd vote for Leonard Nimoy. If he'd promise not to write any more :

We are the dreamers
We are the dancers
Life is the music
Love is the song

Or is he Canadian?

Hell, I'd vote for Leonard Nimoy. If he'd promise not to write any more :

We are the dreamers
We are the dancers
Life is the music
Love is the song

Or is he Canadian?

Well, that was eventful.

I'd vote for a Canadian for President. In return for federal subsidizing of the NHL Center Ice package (40 fucking games a week!), of course. And for support of the drunken snowmobile luge in the Olympics.

I wish the Canadians would take over. I, for one, would welcome our new Canadian overlords and hope that an influx of people from north of the border would help to dilute the stagnant and algae-encrusted gene pool.

But hey, that's just me.

I mean, my opinion. Not me that's algae-encrusted.

They can run on the Labatt's: Marginally better than Bud platform.

Way back when there was a skit on SNL called "Amerida," which was a takeoff of "Amerika" -- a TV movie hypothisizing a Russian takeover of the U.S. In the skit, Canada took over the U.S. Phil Hartman played the father of a family that was upset about the changes (his wife asks him: "What are you so upset aboot?"). "I remember when we could write words like 'colour' and 'flavour' without using a 'u.'"

So watch what you wish for, you traitours.

or hypothesizing. whichever you prefer.

But Miguel! Where is Miguel! Why won't anything think of the childr... I mean, Miguel!

One thing I know...

Wherever that brave little Portuguese man is, he'd..he'd want us to go on. To continue to be overly verbose, to make needlessly chatty posts on MeFi, to easily sidestep and perhaps even totally misunderstand our detractors.

Whenever I see someone fill up an entire page with a comment about racy black and white photographs or the subtleties of single-malt Scotch, then I know Miguel hasn't really left us.

You see, we all carry a little Miguel in all of us, be it in our hearts, our lungs, or our livers.

I'm...I'm a little choked up.

*hands kafkaesque a voluminous handkerchief*

**offers kaf a shoulder to cry on**
**not my own shoulder, of course, just a shoulder. One I found, OK. Never mind where. You ask too many questions, you know that...**

You see, we all carry a little Miguel in all of us, be it in our hearts, our lungs, or our livers.

It's not a tumor!

Hey, The Michael The is here!

Get him.

It's probably a fake one. Just like the fake Hannibal.

Hannibal is no fake!

I solemnly swear not to post pictures of my cat anymore. Unless I really really want to.

Please tell me that cat can hold things on its head.

I'm very glad you specified exactly where Miguel resided in each of us.

Very glad.

Yeah, it's really me (ducks jpoulos and runs screaming).

I think he's in my pants...

Please tell me that cat can hold things on its head.

If he doesn't, I'm pretty sure The Michael The can.

You betcha.

The question is-did Miguel ever exist in the first place, or is he a product of our poor deluded imaginations-like invisible fairies?

Looks like someone's losing some molars tonight.

I'll knock out the rest of his teeth, the doubter.

Too much beer.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Miguel. He exists as certainly as cult authors, and beguiling posts and fine cigars exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.

So we lost a Miguel and gained a The Michael The. It's just the cycle of life, people.

I found Migs. He's driving a snowplow in Connecticut using a very poorly thought-out alias.

Welcome, MichaelTheMichael.

Hey! This is fun!

Hey! it's The Michael Tacos. I dug the fact that riffola stuck the reference* in this pic. People that don't drink sure have good, um, whatever you call those things.

*twas an #mefi thing.

That's such a bad picture of me, though...

Maybe, Mig gave up posting for a New Years resolution.....he just lurks...Hi Mig !!!/

We'll just have to call him The Miguel The.

El Miguel El?

or is it

Il Miguel Il?

Miguel Randel-El, superstar multi-position player?

Miguel Randel-El, superstar multi-position player?

Uh oh. Strange things are afoot.

I think it's actually Migu-El, from the planet Krypton.

Call to photoshoppers: Miguel on a milk carton!

The Who are having a bad year.

Miguel on Rye with mayonaisse and a bag of corn chips!

Miguel on Rye with mayonaisse and a bag of corn chips!

I thought so.

From adam's article:

(Jerry Hall) "Peter Townshend is the least likely profile of a child abuser it is possible to construct and that is because he isn't one,"

I try really hard not to make fun of models, especially when they try to use big and complicated words, but damn if they don't make it easy.

Ha!

Maybe we need one of those "age-advanced by computer" pictures.

Miguel! Wake UP!

Do you ever get tired of googling drunk people, ColdChef?

I didn't think so.

Miguel?

Where's Miguel?

i forgot and worked all day today!

i think it's spelled miggettymiggettymigs

Do you ever get tired of googling drunk people, ColdChef?

No, because thanks to my googling for "passed out drunk" I've found this whole new perversion subculture. (not even REMOTELY safe for work, home or whathaveyou)

Or this:
Bachelorette Party Practical Jokes:

6)        Early Wake Up Calls- Nobody likes early morning wake up calls after a night of partying, which is why this is perfect [joke] for the girls staying in other hotel rooms.  Just make sure they don’t know it is you!

7)        Make ‘Em Change Colors While Sleeping- The great thing about Cool-Aid [sic] is when you place it in its powder form on a drunk girl’s bed before she is about to pass out, she will wake up either red (cherry flavor) or purple (grape flavor) since the powder soaks into the pours [sic] and temporarily colors the skin for the morning

11)    Suds for All- Nothing is like a toilet bubble bath.  Place a generous amount of detergent in the back of the toilet (tub).  After a few flushes, you are surly [sic] to witness something out of the Brady Bunch when Bobby placed too much suds in the washing machine. You can purchase our Bubble Bath, which works out well for this occasion!

One more:

3)       Hire A Female Stripper- For Bachelorettes who are not gay, a female stripper is a good way to embarrass the Bachelorette and cause great laughter.

"For Bachelorettes who are not gay, a female stripper is a good way to embarrass the Bachelorette and cause great laughter."

Or better yet, it may cause some hot girl-on-girl action.

Lord knows there ain't enough of that.

27) Cut a chicken's throat and hold the bird upside-down over the sure-to-be-surprised Bride-to-Be! Lots of laughs for partygoers and sure embarassment for the Bride-to-Be as the chicken's death throes soak her with steaming ichor!

mmm...chicken...

33) Sell the Bachelorette into White Slavery. Can you imagine the fun as her future Hubby tries to buy her freedom from a toothless man named Earl?

the chicken's death throes soak her with steaming ichor!

You're making me feel all funny.

No wonder I had a dream last night in which an ape who had just realized how to stand upright, and was doing so just outside my bay window, majestically, about to deliver a speech I'm certain was written by Abraham Lincoln (don't ask me how I knew this) for some reason, was suddenly set upon and rather horrifically torn to pieces by a pair of leopards. He was deaf to our shouted warnings through the thick, thick glass of their approach.

you people are sick. and I love you. every single one.

Stav, did this ape look anything like Miguel?

I almost posted a referance to adam's chicken, involving strav...I see no need...now...and I wondered how long it would take for strav to appear...4 minutes

stavo..

Jeez I hope Miguel hasn't been torn to pieces by leopards.

I think Miguel could hold his own against a couple of leopards.

He could hold them at bay with his new lamp computer.

A cardoso is like a leopard
except he's no threat to a shepherd
should you behold cardoso's couch
prepare to say yeowch
because, if cornered by cardoso
amoroso!

Miguel Miguel burning bright,
Lost in Portugal at night,
What immortal scotch or stogie,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

Okay, two things:

1. I want that lil'blue smiling bumper car from that "Where's Waldo" picture above. It's cute. It could be my special friend. I want one!

2. Same picture, different thing: what's with the naked guy on the pogo stick?

what's with the naked guy on the pogo stick?

Sounds like somebody finally found Miguel!

Not just a naked guy, but a naked clown.

The horror.

That clown's not naked, he's just been skinned.

9622.net: what's with the naked guy on the pogo stick?

clowns are scary. when they're skinning chickens.

*clutches head, runs screaming from thread*

Google translation:

"viciante than crack" - metafilter.com
It is the slogan of a small farm in web, constructed for an American trintão, without fixed work, that lodged the site in a computer offered for the father and it bound it to the InterNet for a line supplied for one its friend. To the departure, it can seem that if it deals with a site drug, but has had a certain success enters some elite of the Net. One is about a space where any person can place one link that she finds interesting, informative, polémico, etc., joining to it a small description, and from initiating an open quarrel to all there the users. The site is fed entirely by the proper community, with its suggestions of addresses and, as it could not leave of being, the Portuguese presence also note. Among others, the texts of the writer are distinguished Miguel Esteves Cardoso, a interventivo user, with its links and commentaries. It is now to the reach of the fans to change some lines of text and to appreciate the writing of the MEC - informally and with the quality of the custom - in the site MetaFilter.

Seems to me back in the summer of '73, we had a little hullabaloo with a clown skinnin' chickens. 'Course, he lived down in the Derry Sewers.

He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts

He may not be a great writer, but stuff like that sticks in yer head, it does.

We all float down here, Kafkaesque...

Something smells funny...

And didn't those kids all end up humping at the end? What was up with that?

Something smells funny...

Stav, did you bring the Kim Chee again?

My comment about smelling something was meant to refer to the sewers, but now that I've seen this post , I know what stinks.

Sorry to cross talk, but that's just wrong.

eh?

Trackback Stinks?

Wasn't that a Bauhaus song?

I did that wrong. Anyway, it's the racist post with links to the meet-up photos.

Yeah, I thought that was little more than a troll, m'self.

Then again, I must admit that I do prefer my own company. I don't mean the company of my own race, I literally mean my own company. There's nothing better than curling up on the couch for a nice evening with myself, a bottle of Astro-Glide, and pay-per-view on the satellite dish.

You don't tie yourself up first, do you?

They sell Astro-Glide in Utah?

"They sell Astro-Glide in Utah?"

Nope, you have to smuggle it in.

The method of smuggling is left as an exercise for the reader.

Astro-Glide. You sure do splurge on yourself. heh.

I thought Astro Glide was a sports drink. Oh dear.

Okay, I had to google. That's some expensive lubricant.

On the other hand, you can still get free samples!

And didn't those kids all end up humping at the end? What was up with that?

Whaddaya mean, kaf? That's how all the adventures of my youth ended. Which is probably because all of my freinds were imaginary.

Those imaginary chicks are easy dude..

Why did you decide to try Astroglide®?
Intimate Activity
Vaginal Dryness
Both

Crash, poor dear, Vaginal Dryness?

You have no idea. It's like the Sahara.

You've got camels in there?

Plus he's got that "not so fresh feeling"...

No wait that's me...and it's not a feeling...it's more of an ..odor...never mind

No, I meant The Sahara. Sorry for the confusion.

Ah, so you've got slots in there.

No, it's very smoky and noisy and the rug is hideous.

What about the complimentary buffet?

*threadnotsafeforebunnyfire*

LOL

Astroglide's expensive, but it lasts forever if you are single and haven't been laid since before the White Stripes got really big.

It's also a favorite hangout for old ladies with buckets of nickels.

9622:if you are single and haven't been laid since before the White Stripes got really big.

Who are the White Stripes again?

Astroglide's expensive, but it lasts forever

Who needs it to last forever? All I need is six minutes.

Then I need a nap, a roast beef sandwich, a 12 ounce glass of gatorade, and another six minutes.

I got $5 that says Migs is holding court somewhere in Lisbon with a glass of port and a busted modem, wowing the ladies with his literati tales and keeping their menfolk in line with the occasional skunkeye.

Oh yeah, Miguel.

What ever happened to him, you think?

Maybe we should put up a signal of some kind.

*opens another beer, waits*

I had a dream last night. It involved pancakes. Tonight I'll probably have a dream about Miguel giving me the skunk eye. Sigh.

All I need is six minutes.
Then I need a nap, a roast beef sandwich, a 12 ounce glass of gatorade, and another six minutes.

Succinct and pithy insight into the lifecycle of the human male in his native habitat.

Jim, bring me the elephant gun.

It's a good lifestyle, tizzie, if you're actually looking to be hunted down and shot.

Many human males I know would often like nothing better.

Well, okay, I speak for myself.

I wish Matt would wake up and fix Metafilter.

tagline!

9622.net: It is the slogan of a small farm in web, constructed for an American trintão, without fixed work, that lodged the site in a computer offered for the father and it bound it to the InterNet for a line supplied for one its friend. To the departure, it can seem that if it deals with a site drug, but has had a certain success enters some elite of the Net. One is about a space where any person can place one link that she finds interesting, informative, polémico, etc., joining to it a small description, and from initiating an open quarrel to all there the users. The site is fed entirely by the proper community, with its suggestions of addresses and, as it could not leave of being, the Portuguese presence also note. Among others, the texts of the writer are distinguished Miguel Esteves Cardoso, a interventivo user, with its links and commentaries. It is now to the reach of the fans to change some lines of text and to appreciate the writing of the MEC - informally and with the quality of the custom - in the site 9622.

Translation:

9622: A small farm that loves MEC.

I wish matt would fix MeFi too, maybe I can find out who this Jann person is. If history is any indicator, it's a guy.

I'm a homo magnet. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Some elite of the Net ... the Portuguese presence also note.

Come back, Miguel, we note!
xoxo,
Some Elite Monkeys

Looks like you have a highly educated stalker, jon.
Or it's actually Jan Wenner mistyping his name and he courting you for a job.

We didn't get penetration even with the elephant gun!

Truly, one of my favorite Reba McEntire quotes ever. Actually, that's probably the only quote I know.

jon, judging by this it's probably a girl (based on "her" reference to "misogynist punks" and "stupid indie boys"). It looks like her MeFi number is 15802, although there's no google cache for her member page.

Spiffy. I got groupies.

Let's not get carried away. You have one groupy.

A groupette.

A grouper.

or a stalker...

Which (it would follow) would make you a bass player, jon.

(Bass? Geddit? Bass? Is this thing on?)

A bit more sleuthing has revealed that Jannon is, in fact, a 21-year-old shemale who goes by the name of Jannon Sonia Stein. Unfortunately for jon, she claims to have "a sexy intelligent boyfriend" (is there any other kind?)

Her page is here, and personal info is here.

hmmm, that "shemale" thing looks bad. She's a "she" and a "female" (as far as i know). just thought i'd clear that up.

work? what work?

I'm gonna need a roadie...

This poor girl is probably gonna stumble in here and read this, and need therapy.

If you do, I'm honestly flattered and this is just good-natured BS okay...

Now back to talking about what a stud I am...

"a sexy intelligent boyfriend" (is there any other kind?)

Well, yes, there's the "very handsome and have good taste in t-shirts and radio stations" kind.

Stud, heh.

Reba McEntire has no upper lip.

Like, she's freakish.

Now that I have pointed this out to you, you will never look at a photo of her without noticing her disturbing deformity.

And she's very enamored of photos of herself. My brother went to her concert (yes, I have brothers who like country music, and I myself went to a Dwight Yoakam concert, but that's a different thing entirely, I mean, it's Dwight for fuck's sake!) and apparently she had programs at the concert and they were all filled with pictures of her-but, I guess that's what some people want oh yeah, and she changed costumes about 18 times, which I thought was odd because who does she think she is, Madonna or something, but really it all fits in with the country diva sort of thing, in the long run, I would guess.

*gasps for breath*

She's, like, the annoying-little-sister of country divas. She's Tootie to Shania's Blair.

Also, I just noticed, underneath those bangs her forehead is very very TALL.

True. She's so vain, I'd bet she thinks this thread is about her.

It's a shame, too. Of all the Country Nouveau Shite that's come down the sludge pipe the last decade or so, I always thought of her as one of the talented ones. Bummer.

Also, she has tons of lip compared to some people I could mention.

(
)

But she's funny in Tremors!

She has the bangs to cover up her freakin' huge forehead. Whereas Luke Perry just wrinkles it to hide the fact that his forehead takes up half of his face.

fine, defend her!

Jannon was named after a neuroscientist. That brings back bad memories.

Where did you get the "shemale" thing, p-me?

True, Reba was good in Tremors. But would you see another movie she was acting in? Even if it was a Kevin Bacon-starred movie? Really. It was a fluke. A cool fluke, but a fluke.

perhaps even a cool hand fluke...

Where did you get the "shemale" thing, p-me?

I think I was trying to be witty and creative, but (as usual), failed miserably. It wasn't until I re-read my post that I remembered "shemale" has its own, um, meaning, and that I had inadvertantly slandered this person I don't know. So I tried to quickly correct it. The correction may not have been clear enough, so let me try again: I believe Jannon to be a female. I do not believe her to have any male parts whatsoever, and didn't mean to imply otherwise.

Any further inquiries should be directed to my attorneys.

But coming from a trannie such as yourself, who could think you were being insulting?

Does "shemale" have some other meaning? Sorry for belaboring this, I'm just curious. And I don't know squat about Reba. Patty Griffin on the other hand.....and Wanda Jackson

But coming from a trannie such as yourself, who could think you were being insulting?

Yes, but my self-hate sometimes causes me to lash out at my fellow transgendered folk.

*wonders how witchstone discovered my deepest secret*

Does "shemale" have some other meaning?

I'm not sure -- probably not. What I was going for was a combination of "she" and "female," not "she" and "male." "She" sounds like "fe." Since this whole thing started with a gender identification question, I was just trying to emphasize the fact that she was female. But I made an unintentional goof.

I think I need some time off from the internet.

Sorry to be so late to the conversation, but I second Astro Glide as the product of the millenium.

If only for the name. And their cool Website.

A shemale usually means a transvestite or a transgendered person.

Post, dammit.

And jonmc, if you were worried about jannon coming across this page before, I wonder what she'll think when she reads the extensive discussion about whether she's a transvestite.

It's OK. She's at Princeton. She'll write a thesis on Transgender Obsessed Online Dysphoria Syndrome or some such foolishness...

Do they still make Probe? I remember it being even more, um, viscous than Astro-Glide.

Thick Rich Classic or Silky Light

and the technical side of lubrication.

Is there a shot called Astroglide?

There should be if there isn't.

Those big bottles with the pumps...are they the *ahem* industrial size..for, professionals?

Yes, why do you ask, jon?

Can we buy them in bulk for the next MeFiNYC?

Please contact me. I happen to be a distributor.

anathema, neither Probe nor Astroglide (the venerable granddaddy of lubes) can compare to Slippery Stuff, which is more versatile and multi-hole friendly.

(Now quit squirming.)

I'm not only the president, I'm a client.

9622:multi-hole friendly

Now there's a e-business bonanza waiting to happen. Pimps and Ho's supplies online. Order lube by the keg, foil wrapped condoms in wheels like old-fashioned carnival tickets...it's a winner.

**quits squirming**

Hey, that sounds like my apartment!

**slaps self**

Slippery Stuff contains no glycerin so it doesnít get sticky and is less viscous than Probe or Astroglide.

So viscosity is bad? I guess I don't actually know what viscosity is.

great for anal as well as vaginal lubrication. No smell or taste.

Well, what fun is that?

9622.net: Pregnant titgrabbers fighting back!

I just saw this on the front page @ the top left side, cool. These are the taglines of the site? My apoligies if I'm lamo coming late to this party.

Maybe mig is waiting to appear then...when he sees his beaconing tagline...

Look, you guys want viscosity, you guys want smell and taste, go back to Astroglide. Go back to your grandma's lube.

::snaps glove::

Quit squirming.

I'm pretty sure I love cowboy_sally.

I know I like my multi-hole lube to taste and smell like gibblet gravy.

Heh. I actually loved her for her "multi-hole" comment. I love her even more for snapping the glove.

Take my word, Britt. It does.

(zod, i'm cheeky this week.)

Well, she's just snapping the glove, lupo, I'm the one wearing it.

Now really, quit squirming.

people with no upper lip and really big foreheads are people too, you know.

Well, if flavor and ass is what you long for...

Hey J-Po, next time you decide to drive to New York to hang out with monkeys, please call me. It only takes me about 30 minutes to get to Lowell.

but, speaking of lube. you really want to go to your nearest veterinary supply store, there's a product that comes in a white tub with a picture of a cow on it. it's a powder, but don't let that freak you out.

more versatile and multi-hole friendly.

be that as it may, I once burned through an entire box of q-tips trying to get that shit out of my ear.

YMMV, of course.

I actually took the train, but yeah I'll definitely call you, and the commish as well.

YMMV?

Powdered lube? Oh. Oh dear.

By god.
That Reba McEntire has no upper lip.






*shudders*

You're scaring me, goneill, and that's not easy to do.

"So viscosity is bad? I guess I don't actually know what viscosity is."

That's amusing to me, 'cause I call my blog Total Viscosity Breakdown.

Viscosity is the measure of a liquid's thickness and resistance to flow. Higher viscosity = thicker and flows less. Remember the TV commercials for Mobil 1 oil where they'd try to pour motor oil out of a bottle that had been chilling in a block of ice for 24 hours, and it was really thick? That's viscosity in action.

but, speaking of lube...

HAWHAW!! HAW!! HAW!!

*slaps knee*

it's the kind my dad uses.

guys?

I'm pretty sure I love cowboy_sally.

Very well. I'll ease the restraints a bit.

Hey goneill, I think I know where I can get some of that industrial vet-grade lube. Meet me in the park.

it's the kind my dad uses.

Oh, I wish I had said that.

Go back to your grandma's lube.

*resumes squirming*

**looks across desk**

Oh, Golly. Lisa packed Hostess Cup Cakes in my lunch!!

**looks around**

Oh no, you guys are gonna beat me up and take my lunch aren't you?

goneill, Please tell me your dad is a vet.

Don't read the following, I just have to write it because I have trouble lying:

(my dad is a large-animal veterinarian - so this isn't really gross at all.)

Enough of this...we're trying to find Miguel, remember?

My poor dear evil twin...out there lost and wandering...is it time to put his mug on a milk carton yet?

She packs your lunch for you, Jon?

Oh, that's right. You're not married.

so... yeah - i'm a total pervert!

Very well. I'll ease the restraints a bit.

Now I know I love cowboy_sally.

Milk carton? Pehaps a better place would be on a fifth of gin, b***y.

Milk carton? Pehaps a better place would be on a fifth of gin, b***y.

Oh, balls.

i like it better with the 'oh balls'

Oh dear. I'm starting to get visions of all the participants here dressed in bondage gear..and it's not a pretty picture.

"Oh, balls" is the new "post, dammit".

which makes jonmc the new witchstone.

which, i'm pretty sure, is referenced in the book of revelation.

which makes jonmc the new witchstone.

Hmmm...will Dannon like you better when you're going around licking people?

I know I would.

Oops, make that "Jannon."

me and my friggin' yogurt fetish...

Oops, make that "Jannon."

me and my friggin' yogurt fetish...

Oh, balls.

which makes jonmc the new witchstone

except, I should never wear anything spandex, clingy or low cut...

Stalker #2

You're not supposed to see that until after Witchy and I have a drink together tomorrow nite. While wearing bondage gear, of course. At the airport.

Reason #38 why Sheryl Crow should only use her voice for singing:

"I think war is based in greed and there are huge karmic retributions that will follow. I think war is never the answer to solving any problems. The best way to solve problems is to not have enemies."

stalker #2?

While wearing bondage gear, of course.

Without panties, iirc?

Hmmm...will Dannon like you better when you're going around licking people?

I know I would.

Please say yes to pardon me.

you guys are just nasty. I don't think I am going to hang out at this website anymore. i like you all and I enjoyed the witty repartee, but it isn't worth picking thru all the "adult material". I had enough of that crap 22 years ago.
When Miguel comes back tell him goodbye for me.

Someone said, when I first came to the site, that they couldn't figure out why I was here. At this point I am wondering the same thing. I always feel like I have to take a bath after reading some of this crap. It is true that no one is holding a gun to my head-and I guess I just realised this is just not a good place for me to be.

I will never forget how kind to me all of you have been, and I do take away that memory. I wish you all well.

I feel bad now.

Oh Dear.

Man!

Wouldn't it be dirtier without the lube?

9622: You guys are just nasty.

Let me get this straight: that Miguel, he vibrates?

I, for one, welcome our new Miguel-free overlords.

b****fire: Oh, balls. :(

You have violated the unwritten rules of 9622, namely:

Citing tired MeFi jokes.

Repetition will result in your total and complete banishment from the garden.

Everybody clap your hands if you believe in bunnyfire. Or something.

Or at least sadistic and unrelenting mental anguish.

Ha, god tried that bit, and look what happened! We're kings of the world!

And metrocake started it.

SadCake!

: looks piteous :

B-b-b-but I just got here...

Or at least sadistic and unrelenting mental anguish.

again.

*Calls the Nephilim*

: bites Kafka on the ankle in lieu of sarcastic yet pithy reply :

Sigh. Anyone wanna play a game?

Stop it. I'm getting excited.

Bite thee not mine ankle. For when thou bite of my ankle, surely you bite every ankle.

And that's probably more ankles than you really wanted to bite.

What. The Fuck. Ever.

NASTY! nasty posts ... don't mean a thing

*bites Lupo's ankle*

Bite or smite? Decisions, decisions...

So, as far as I can tell, Miguel was last seen working in an Industrial Cow Lube Factory.

Is that right?

There once was a puppy with bite
Who gave both his owners a fright
He nibbled their ankles
Those small teeth, they rankled
Now the small puppy's left out at night!

And John is being stalked by Fruit-at-the-Bottom yoghurt?

There once was a puppy with bite
Who gave both his owners a fright
He nibbled their ankles
Those small teeth, they rankled
Now the small puppy's left out at night!

Sigh. Anyone wanna play a game?

Sure, let's see what we can make TMT stand for...

Tasteless Masturbatory Threads
Tasty Manatee Tenderloins
Throbbing Monkey Teats

...

And I'm double-posting, damnit.

Smite me! :/

Ufez; Tubular Manly Testicles.

I don't think I am going to hang out at this website anymore. i like you all and I enjoyed the witty repartee, but it isn't worth picking thru all the "adult material".

As foretold by prophecy.

The puppy turned quickly to crime
Selling dope for a nickel and dime
That pup would turn tricks
for the price of a fix
*Last line deleted in the name of decency*

Or, for us anxious wimmen, "Terribly Meaningful Talks."

mmmmmmm... manatee tenderloins...

Tasty Meat Tubers

Tyler Mary Tyler?

Terrible Macaque Tentacles

Storybook ending:
"Now he plays in the sun all the time."

:)

for pervs: Toot Mah Tittiez...

Everybody clap your hands if you believe in bunnyfire. Or something.

Make It Clap, Busta Rhymes Featuring Spliff Star

Oops. My "What. The Fuck. Ever." was aimed at a certain melodrama several posts above. Not at kaf.

for snack food favoring pervs:

Tator Me Tots!

Too late Lupo!

*grabs folding chair from crowd*

What.
The.
Fuck.
jpoulos?

Did someone call for a melodrama?

Talk Miguel, Talk!

Taste My Tintinabulation!

"Tonk my Tooter."

I think I need a nice lie-down.

Clap!!; Make it Clap for me no-one else. The applause is for me...

"You must pay the rent.
But I can't pay the rent!
You MUST pay the rent.
But I CAN'T pay the rent!
You MUST pay the rent.
But I CAN'T pay the rent!
I'LL pay the rent!
My hero!
Rats! Foiled again!"
-- the Electric Company

I love you guys.

Teena Marie Tunes?

I remember a while back Michael(aka mikhail from that "other site") got a search hit for "massage me breasts" which when said in a pirate accent reduces me to a puddle of giggles. In a similar vein, my site has been getting hits for "Shania Twain wooden leg".

Ahoy!

I love you guys.

Hey, no children's TV here! We're supposed to be having "adult" conversation!

Do we get to make fun of Jesus now?

Cuz he's been bugging the shit out of me.

Tickle My Taint

(Now we are nasty.)

"You must suck my c***!
But I can't suck your c***!
You MUST suck my c***!
But I CAN'T suck your c***!
You MUST suck my c***!
But I CAN'T suck your c***!
I'LL suck your c***!
My hero!
Rats...foiled again!"
-- the Porno Electric Company

**grabs feather**

I'm pretty sure I once had that exact conversation.

Hmmm. c*** could go two ways.

I think 9622 ultimately is bisexual. Most of the stuff on it can go at least two ways, if not more.

You c***s***ers are nasty.

And you're making the server nervous.

9622.net: ultimately bisexual

9622.net: Most of the stuff on it can go at least two ways, if not more.

Crash: cooksliders?

crapsifters?

Coldsuppers.

I didn't want to frighten Jon. You know how he is when it comes to food.

chipslicers?

Codesanders!

clubsodaers?

cocksuckers?

oh, wait...

cuntsippers?

carpshiners.

*cough*

Cornslurpers!

cowslappers!

*orders case of Probe, goes home, shines carp*

ChefSuiters

coinstuffers.

Why do I feel like I'm at a brainstorming session for a really crappy ad agency?

But, my initials are CS, so I can you all of these when I'm bored.

ColdShefers?

Y'know, I hope all you new feces...er, faces don't think that just because Mefi is down you'll come and visit here and then never show up again.

There is no escape.

Crash, bar the door!

Release the MARMAN 3000!

I'll get the probe!

Yeah, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

*cue guitar solo*

Remember when you were young
All Shiny with Probe

all toghether now...

Shine On You Crazy Carp....

Yeah, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

*cue guitar solo*

**slowly backs away from Kaf**

He's gonna blow!

ColdShefers?

Posted by: pardon me on January 14, 2003 03:09 PM

Heh.

I'm not going anywhere, Mr. Poulos. :) I made a promise, 'member?

Seriously, dude. Where the fuck is miguel?

**slowly backs away from Kaf**

Yes, I should clarify for kaf. I meant to note that my inclusion of that quote was an in-reference to 9622's anti-Eagles history. Heck, as another Jeff once said, "I hate the fucking Eagles."

Sheesh, I go out for a rubber chicken lunch, and you guys scare bunnyfire away. But the dessert was good, so there's always a bright side.

So where the fuck IS miguel?

Did anyone hear about the guy who was killed by his own cock?

Looks like we got a funnyman on our hands.

I *do* hate the fucking Eagles. Sentimental tripe, if you ask me.

And dammit, why do I always leave and miss the good parts.

We're not the only ones missing Miggsy:

Caixa de correio / Mailbox: mec

A sua mensagem foi rejeitada por este destinatario nao ter
espaco livre disponivel na sua caixa de correio para a
receber. Tente o re-envio mais tarde.
------------------------------------------------------------

Your e-mail was rejected because the person's mailbox didn't
have enough free space left to receive it.
You can try resending it later.

Tente o re-envio mais tarde? I'm not sure, but I think Miguel's email just called me a tard!

As we have previously discussed, the Eagles are indeed dark servants of the underworld. Unless that is in any way cool. Then they're not.

You people.

I love it all.

I was having a discussion the other day about the Worst Band Ever.

I think I finally settled on The Mary Jane Girls.

"Tente o re-envio mais tarde? I'm not sure, but I think Miguel's email just called me a tard!"

Nah. Let's break it down:

"Tente o re-envio mais tarde"

Tente = tent, or anything having to do with camping.

o = OK.

re-envio = Jealous again.

mais = maize, or corn

tarde = tardy, or late.

So what we have is a message from Miguel, telling us he is "OK, eating corn and camping with the Black Crowes, and will be back later."

See how easy that was?

If you don't like my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab!

*stumbles in*

Whoa!

Call the police, Fes!

I'm not coming here because mefi is down - oh no - I'm in here looking for migs. I thought maybe you monkeys had kidnapped him and were forcing him to make you fancy cocktails.

*gets out plastique to deal with barred door*

Too late for that...

*rolls up sleeves, prepares 'spankin' hand'*

This is going to hurt me worse than it hurts you...

It is, apparently, clobbering time.

err this thread, gave me a head ache. Now I am looking foward to visting the dock, Dr. Payne my dentist. thanks....Awww to, ya-all while I'm in the chair :-O

I gotta ask--is this witchstone and our witchstone, one and the same?

I'm sorry. Miguel is on tour with the Black Crowes right now, and is consequently consuming untold amounts of controlled substances. Please leave your name and number and "The MEC" will get back to you with a quickness, foshizzle.

Dude. You missed a spot. No, no. Right in the middle.

I gotta ask--is this witchstone and our witchstone, one and the same?

I think we now have a pretty good idea who's getting spanked first

I gotta ask--is this witchstone and our witchstone, one and the same?
I sure as shit hope so.

Of course it is. Where else would I talk of my love for 80s music? Now bend over.

I'm glad I wore baggy pants to work today.

Now, why in the world didn't you wear that outfit on Friday?

She did, jon. After.

(Disclaimer: The above statement is completely untrue. At least as far as I know.)

Psst. The blue page is back.

Oh dear, my political career is over. Luckily I get paid a lot of money to smack the hell out of politicians.

It was a good day.

Hey, witchstone, how come you didn't tell us you had a blog? Great writing, too:

sigh.. not in a gd mood as u can tell. (its pretty obvious izn't it) okay.. guess i've said enuf? :s wateva.

byee
^~*witchstone*~^

ps, da new avril lavigne song 'i'm with you' iz realli realli realli nice =)

And don't even try to tell us that's not you.

You scared the rabbit away, but I could hear the smutty entendres all the way from Colorado, and couldn't believe I missed it.

*Shakes fist at sky* Why me, lord; I was only gone FIVE DAYS!

Hi y'all. Where's the punch?

pardon me.

I think I may start writing that way, then I'll have the perfect excuse for my dislexic mistakes :P

ti sapose ta sund tat wei...so mi kitty fans wil flow wit me in the blog worl..

"Psst. The blue page is back."

Just go ahead and break it again, whydontcha. Sheesh.

*goes back to googling for Kathy Bates' nude scene from About Schmidt*

*kicks server*

*Ahem*

Um, pardon me for interrupting the orgy. I've been lurking quietly for a while now, but this thread has compelled me to finally speak up and say, goddamn, you guys ARE nasty.

Where do I join?

Pardon me can pardon you, chef can point you to the food, and other than that, the contract with the indecipherable small print will be overseen by yhbc and anathema, which you sign in Astroglide.

Let's see here ... food, signing life away, astroglide -- check, check, aaaand check. Guess I shouldn't even ask what the initiation process entails....

Why haven't we prepared for this scenario? We should have named a Vice Miguel to take over his duties in case of emergency long ago. Maybe a line of succession. Secretary of Scotch? Sneaker of the House?

...Also, just for the sake of conversation, my initials are also MEC, but "Esteves" sounds much classier than "Elmer."

9622.net: shouldn't even ask what the initiation process entails....

chef can point you to food err to Jon as he's the king in the duties of tasting foods so it seems.

boomchika, as an initiation you must find and bring back to us, one Miguel Esteves Cardoso. You have two (2) hours, starting now.

And there the adventure began!

Boomchicka sought that crafty Miguel high and low.

You BASTARDS. You broke MetaFilter AGAIN. Not only that, you kept from doing any PRODUCTIVE WORK all DAY.

Stop being so funny during the day, alright?

Think of the children. And the poor, poor, lawyers, cooped up in their little offices, with only a one-way connection to 9622.net, unable to pipe up and join in.

Well, actually that would only be me.

Okay then, think of me, dammit!

"Think of the ...poor, poor, lawyers..."

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Guess who's getting audited this year.

eesh!

"Guess who's getting audited this year."

You think I actually file a return?

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Excuse me a minute, I hear jack-boots coming up the hallway...

While mr_crash is occupied with getting the full body cavity audit, let me just say ...

400th post!

I thought this might be our longest thread, in honor of the missing Miggsy, but it ain't even close. Why, some of us must have been productive today.

you must find and bring back to us, one Miguel Esteves Cardoso

Good God, people! You lounge about thinking up clever words for c***s***ers (and no one said crapspewers, hell-o?) but I'm on an international manhunt?!? Well, OK, but only if I can squeeze it in between dinner and "24".

Fortunately, I've done a little Googling, and I've come up with some helpful info. Did you know that:

Miguel is a magnificent 4500+ sq ft private home (I would expect nothing less)
Miguel is very Good beer (and here I had him pictured him as more of a smooth cognac)
Miguel is determined to gain his respect the only way he knows how, through the gang (oh dear, he's gone street on us)
Miguel is perched on a plain in the central mountains of Mexico (could explain the lack of 'net access)
Miguel is about 300 yards past the last toll gate (Ha ha, that sounds like a bad "few cards short of a deck"-type insult - "Hoo boy, what's with that guy?" "Yeah, I'd say he's about 300 yards past the last toll gate!")
Miguel is superb in many aspects: full of aroma, splendid amber color and the charming looks (but of course)
Miguel is INDEED - ZORRO! (Maybe that's the problem? You've been summoning the wrong hero?)
Miguel is in the building! Lock up your daughters! ... (however...)
Miguel is about to get a huge surprise...A straight man is about to go gay! (Say!)
Miguel is the hottest babe in the world (oddly, this was from his own site)
But the most telling of all...Miguel is no longer with us

Still, it's long enough to prove we're sincere.

Come back, Miguel!

*Stands On Back Porch*

Miguel come home......

Hey, where is that Shane guy anyway?

Nice work boochi, but unfortunately you have failed horribly. It's all on your shoulders now. To begin your penance you must listen to Hotel California for 48 hours straight and order two cases of Probe from your friendly 9622 distributor.

There are aliens on board that probe, Captain!

Wouldn't Boochi be a great name for Casper the Friendly Ghost's dog?

Aliens are so 20th century.

When threatened by predators, I swell up to 5 times my normal size.

That's true. I haven't seen a decent alien in years. Or an indecent one.

Funny how stavros always pipes up right around the time the conversation turns to indecent aliens. Or biting the heads off chickens too, for that matter.

The mothership is back up. Don't hold your breath.

When threatened by predators, I swell up to 5 times my normal size.

He's like a handy pop-up sponge, only he's a wonderchicken, see?

"When threatened by predators, I swell up to 5 times my normal size."

Me too. As long as they're voluptuous female predators.

I swell up to 5 times my normal size.

That's all the booze you're sopping up, silly.

You're soaking in it.

Lo, this failure shall hang about my neck like an albatross or a poorly tied muffler, but horribly? Come on! I'd say I failed rather sportingly.

Last stab: Maybe evanizer had him whacked for posting that anonymity thing on MeTa after he expressly asked him not to. It could happen.

Oh, and ana - about the Probe order?

I think you have my account information.

9622: like a handy, pop-up sponge

KHAN!!!!!

It's not the swelling that's important, junior mint, it's what you start with as 'normal' size.

I got the moved the DSL to my main line but Qwest couldn't just move it they had to cancel the second line then put in a separate order to install DSL five working days later so I'm stuck on a crappy 28.8 dialup connection and I guess I'll have to make all my Photoshop images grayscale and compress the colors down to two-bit color depth in order to keep the FTP upload time under an hour and a half blues...

However, I think I may have inadvertently discovered the cause of the 500 Server Error messages.

All well and good, but WHERE THE HELL IS MIGUEL?

You know, I always arrive soon after the WonderChicken Signal is fired up. Miguel better have a good excuse for this slackness!

Ockham's Razor will give us the simplest, and therefore most likely answer:

He's on a martini bender.

That's my guess.

Hah! No-one notices when I go missing for months.

How untrue, my pinnaped friend!

There has been a Walrus shaped hole in 9622 lo these many weeks.

An unfilled hole ... in 9622.net ... for weeks? Now I know I'm in the twilight zone ...

Where the hell has walrus been anywa....

Hey! There you are! Welcome back.

I have printed out the poster which Crash provided, and stuck it on a tree, two streets down. That should work.

I see that Crash's poster references a reward. I don't think the funding of that reward has yet been discussed. Accordingly, I will take it upon myself to begin the "Where On Earth IS Miguel Esteves" ("WOEISME") Fund. I have $7.26 burning a hole in my pocket, which I am more than happy to use as seed money.

Hmm ... it doesn't say that it has to be a monetary reward though ...

Payment of reward to be in the form of rich, creamy cheeses of the Lowlands.

Gasp! You mean if I find Miguel, I get free dong resin as well?

I prefer to call it Wang Butter, but whatever.

Nob Stilton?

Le Roquefort du Petit Oiseau

Drehknopfkäse ...

We are easily entertained.

Shvance sauce.

I am anyway. Two electrodes and a can of cheesy-peas will keep me busy for days.

Hrmm.
Mine isn't going to amuse me anymore by the time it posts.

What are these cheesy-peas you speak of, oh tusked one?

Hah! No-one notices when I go missing for months.

Who else is missing?

Sorry to read about your grue, Walrus.

jon: it's a reference from the fast show. They had faux advertisements for cheesy peas. And then for NEW! Squeezy cheesy peas ... stuck in my brain somehow.

Cheers Thom. So was I. But several cognacs and hand-rolled doobreys later, I'm feeling more philosophical about it all.

Do you like cheese?
Do you like peas?

Well you'll love these - Cheesy Peas!
A combination of cheese, and peas, to form Cheesy Peas!

They're great for your teas,
Come on Mam, think cheese, think peas, think Cheesy Peas!
It's easy peasy with Cheesy Peas,
Please!

Available in Traditional and now, new Strawberry Flavour!

Oh, balls!

It's a floor wax!

No, it's a dessert topping!

It's a damn lube you numbnuts!

Postum, damnit!

Bunny, stop praying for bad things and let me postum!

I'll pay someone to fix this.

I'll pay someone to fix this.

The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

Please contact the server administrator, webmaster@9622.net and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.

More information about this error may be available in the server error log.

Additionally, a 404 Not Found error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.

I really like the "Additionally" part. It's like running out of Probe or something.

Yeah, or something.

Now I can't stop.

I feel like I'm being punished. In a bad way.

That's what too much Probe does to you.

I don't give a shit.

Someone is going to pay for this. BunnyMiguel, this means you!

9622.net: I feel like I'm being punished. In a bad way.

...And not that hot, sweet punishment that we've come to expect from this site.

I go away for a few days and you guys lose Miguel?

Did anyone check under the couch?

Miguel! You were here under the cushion this whole time!

Oh! My mistake! That's an old Butter-Rum Life Saver.

kaf, you're looking at this all wrong. That is Miguel. He's had us fooled this whole time with those pictures. Some of the world's greatest writers and thinkers have been LifeSavers® brand hard candies.

It is a little known fact that most of John Updike's later work was actually written by a condemned bag of Amazin' Fruit.

I always knew those guys had talent. I mean, just look at 'em dance, for cryin' out loud.

Henry Miller never wrote a single word, but left a bag of Gummi Coke Bottles next to his typer and went out whoring.

Yukio Mishima? Actually a box of stale Pocky.

Kerouac's "On the Road" was the product of a can of cling peaches in heavy syrup.

I also have it on good authority that Hemingway's entire ouevre was penned by a particularly prodigious box of Scooter Pies.

And Faulkner's Sound and the Fury has never been truly explained. Some have pointed to the author's fondness for honeysuckle as a clear indicator that a Bit-O-Honey was responsible.

Do they still have Bit-O-Honey?

I saw some at a newstand in a subway stop (I believe it was Astor Place) just yesterday, kaf.

Or you could just go here.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner.... place your order today and avoid the holiday rush!

Nothing says "I love you" like a 36 Count Box of Bit o' Honey.

Nothing says "I love you" like a 36 Count Box of Bit o' Honey.

Are 36 Bit o' Honeys the same as 4½ Byte o' Honeys?

I fucking *heart* Bit o' Honey!

I liked it better when it wasn't the new, improved, softer kind. I liked it when you could keep it around in your molars for a few weeks.

Anyway, favorite candy EVAR!

How bout the Marathon chocolate bar? Them was good.

And lo!

Your teeth will sing in a symphony of pain!

Marathon? Never had it.

Worth seeking out?

Sadly, the Marathon is with us no more.

It was very popular when I was a kid (probably before your time, young lady).

It was a chain-link looking caramel chocolate bar. And it was very big, took forever to eat. Hence the name I guess.

I was a bit-o-honey man, in my day.

I miss Reggie bars.

You can still get the Marathon-like Curly-wurlies. Eating them every day as a kid toughened my teeth no end. They were the French Foreign Legion of oral hygiene.

If I'm remembering correctly, a 100 Grand bar (f/k/a "$100,000 Bar") is similar in taste/consistency to a Marathon Bar, only it has "krispies."

Yeah, remember that cowboy dude who hawked Marathons during Saturday morning cartoons? Marathon John, I think he was named?

*googles*

Oh, yeah. The old memory is still a'workin'.

Was the Marathon the same price as the other bars despite it's long-lastingness? Because that was always the deciding factor for me when selecting the one candy bar Mom will allow. I always thought, "Whatchamacalit tastes better, but the Butterfinger is a stayer."

It is big and the weird peanut butter, yet-not-anything-like-peanut butter center goes the distance.

...Which brings us the the phenomenon of the overwhelming amount of candy that sounds suspiciously like porn.

Mounds, Nutrageous, Red Hot Atomic Fire Balls, Everlasting Gobstopper.

And so on.

I was always a big fan of the Twin Bing myself, Mars.

Two-two-two cherries in one!

And then of course, there was Freshen-Up aka "cum gum."

I don't think we had that flavor in my area, Jon.

Oh,Henry?

C'mon. Who are they kidding?

Almond Joy sounds like a stripper.

Charleston Chew was the long-lastingest, IIRC. It tasted, however, much like an ass.

Lupo! It's tasted like ass!

Sheesh. Norm MacDonald is spinning in his fuckin' grave.

It tasted, however, much like an ass

Yes, but whose ass, lupo? That's crucial.

I meant, of course, an ass:

Oh.

Carry on, then!

and...

My recent research while wasting time instead of working on my movie reviews has led to the following additions:

Slo-Poke, Sugar Daddy, JawBusters and, regrettably, Swedish Fish.

For a more alternative take, there is also Mike & Ike. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

500.

Dammit!!!!

By the way, where the hell is Miguel?

(Sorry, lupo!)

I don't have any idea why, but my wife and all three of my kids call Swedish Fish "Sweaty Fish".

Wait. Norm MacDonald is dead?

I don't have any idea why, but my wife and all three of my kids call Swedish Fish "Sweaty Fish".

Hmmmm. Sounds kind of like "Schweddy Balls".

I could really go for a slice of pecan pie and a cup of coffee in a warm, quiet, cheap diner. I'd sit there and read my Crawdaddy book.

Yes, I'm Mr. Exciting. But I am out-of-it and proud-of-it.

seriously, dude, what are you talking about?

Pie.

ahh.

Pie does not come in "slices." Pizza is distributed in slices. Pie comes in "pieces." "Piece" is the diminutive of "Pie." I'm sure of it. Or at least I think so. I'm sure I think so.

But what about those people who say, "Wanna get a pizza-pie?" It is a mystery wrapped in a tortilla, with an enigma, or something.

Or a conundrum. It might be that.

A riddle, wrapped in an enigma, drizzled lightly in bullshit.

Tip o'the hat to my man Jon Stewart for that fine line.

He's a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a vest.

*sings*

See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.

What would we do without the wit and wisdom of the Simpsons?

Any predictions on how Miguel will perform his re-entry?

BTW, due to this thread I went out and ordered a cable connection for home. Can't wait til Saturday.

Any predictions on how Miguel will perform his re-entry?

I'm betting he'll swallow one of our souls ("Evil Dead"-style), possess our body, and use it to do the Ketchup Dance with our S.O.

Y'know, the usual.

Any predictions on how Miguel will perform his re-entry?

Gentle at first until we beg for more and then forceful to the point of pain.

You know, I bet the Portuguese have a name for fucking like that.

Fuck you Animal Planet you piece of shit.  I want monkeys porking each other’s orifices with up close penetration shots.  I demand monkeys jerking off and eating their own shit.  I god damn order your fucking shit station to give me and the rest of America what we crave!  Fanatical ape sex!

You know, if I wuz sober, I'd never post something like this: The Masturbating Cat

Ten bucks to the first person who posts it on MetaFilter.

I'm stunned that the remnants of that are now on my hard drive. I feel so ...

Is it bestiality if it's just the animal?

I have obviously got to stop checking 9622 just before bed.

My eyes! My eyes! Oh, crap. Now I have to find Brillo for my brain. Fer feck's sake, my eyes!

(and what was up with that soundtrack? Yeesh)

It's a belated warning, but that CAT link might not be safe for mental stability. It might only be safe for cats (even though I dare not show it to my own--they might get ideas).

Well, this a fine good morning.

Now I see what all the Pete Townshend fuss is about. That kitty porn's some damn disturbing stuff.

Thank God I don't get the broadband at home until Friday. I suspect a hungover CC will be doing some apologizing today.

Thank God I don't get the broadband at home until Friday. I suspect a hungover CC will be doing some apologizing today.

Harmheim.

From what I saw, I'd say that site is pretty much complete crap.

I am so, so sorry. My head hurts.

"Gentle at first until we beg for more and then forceful to the point of pain.

You know, I bet the Portuguese have a name for fucking like that."

Why, of course :
Two words, rhymes with "feguel hardoso."

If bunnyfire were still here, she'd leave again.

Don't let bunny fool you, tizzie, she's still here. I'd be willing to bet that she's read every single post since she "left" to see what we've said about her. That's the irony.

Hi, b****fire!

~wink~

Darn you to heck, you know me too well.

And it's a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a waffle cone.

*solemny picks up burning torch and sets thread on fire*

Darn you to heck, you know me too well.

And it's a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a waffle cone.

*solemnly picks up burning torch and sets thread on fire*

heh.

It's no fun being offensive if no one is offended. Welcome back. And goodbye. And welcome back again.

ColdChef is a Tralfamadorian.

So-where's Miguel?

ColdChef is a Tralfamadorian.

*googles*

*head hurts*

*curses English majors*

ColdChef is a Tralfamadorian

I call upon the powers of GOOGLE!

...

Ah. I see. Or maybe I don't.

*climbs up own bunghole and disappears*

In Slaughterhouse 5, the Tralfamadorians were an alien race who believed that time was not linear, that every moment in time is always happening in the same way that it always happen.

The hero of the book, Billy Pilgrim, gives the traditional Tralfamadorian greeting "Hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye".

Keenbean.

As you were.

every moment in time is always happening in the same way that it always happens.

They must have had my job, heh.

B****fire, did you happen to see Miguel while you were out?

As you were.

Or as I will be.
Or as I currently am.
Or as I was won't am be being wo-not.

*scratches ass, scratches lice, scrapes sweaters off teeth*

*yawns* The search team smoked out the rabbit which is a good start, but not one slightly inebriated, prolific and horny cult author? Very shoddy work, people. I want one hundred percent from you all. Get back out there and fight fight fight! I expect you to come back this evening with liquor, dancing goils (and boys for me), and one dashing author.

*goes back to bed*

scrapes sweaters off teeth

Huh?

scrapes sweaters off teeth
Brushes teeth, aka: Lifting dental film from teeth that developed over a good 6.5 hours of sleep, both so that the husband doesn't expire and the cats don't cower in fear.

oddly enough, I find that part the most disturbing thing in this thread, readymade.

I find it kinda sexy.

mmmmm...toothsweaters....

Wouldn't it save time just to call it the Mignal?

Where the hell is kwanzar when you need an image of a tooth in a sweater?

I picked the wrong week to leave town.

I was about to put up the eyeball beacon for you--you were missed.

Oh shit -

HEY! Here he is!!!!

Man, EBK, we've all been looking all over for you! DAMN, don't run off like that again without letting us know, 'kay?

C'mon, c'mon, people, help me out here!

It's okay if you disappear for a little bit. I do it all the time. It's, like, mysterious and stuff.

9622: It's, like, mysterious and stuff.

And where the fuck is Miguel, anyway? He better be bringing all of us some Very Nice Stuff indeed.

*breaks down and cries*

*comforts Miguel, while surreptitiously copping a feel*

And people think the Lord of the Rings movies are homoerotic--they should spend a day on 9622.

In fact, maybe I'll do my own Bridget Jones' Diary thing.

Witchstone's Diary:

Day 238

No. of times refreshed 9622: 32 (v. good)
Time spent staring blankly at screen: 3 hours (not bad considering devastation that is life)

Cultish author M. is back and of course everyone has rolled out the red carpet. Consumed entire muffin tray to console self. Feel that boys are becoming v. pervy about M. Missed him a bit too much, if you know what I mean. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more. Expect M.'s third wife may become crazed with jealousy and cut internet connection.

**gets all nervous and defensive**

What do you mean exactly?? I likes the ladies, ya know...oo-eee check her out!!

No homoeroticism here. No, ma'am.

What the hell's wrong with a bit of feel-copping between friends?

If it'd been Witchy missing for a month, you know I'd be in there like a Big Dirty Feel Copper just the same*.

And gettin' slapped, too, prob, but that comes with the territory, nicht wahr?

*not really, but it sounds all manly and stuff, don't it?

Oh believe me, I know that 9622 swings both ways. We're just on the Man Love end of the pendulum right now.

You know when you write a word and it just looks all wrong? That's what pendulum is doing to me right now.

9622.net: The Man Love end of the pendulum

9622.net: it sounds all manly and stuff

In the interest of equality.

It is my personal opinion that it is better to be a Feel Copper than a Cop Feeler.

I used to know a Cop Feel Copper, but she's in prison now.

Just don't try to hit the cop after you feel him. Then you'd be a cop socker, and no one wants that.

Well, some do, but that's not the really the point of the joke. Besides, if you truly eliminate all elements of political incorrectness and go for 100% inclusion, you've pretty much thrown out the humor with the bathwater.

Sorry. Carry on.

So where the fuck is ColdChef?

He is missing! He's been gone for days! Uncle Fes and Pardon Me are missing, too.

I blame Ashcroft.

We're watching you, ma'am.

First Kaf, now Migs. I dreamed Miguel came into the restaurant where I work for a meal.

Very generius tipper.

First Kaf, now Migs. I dreamed Miguel came into the restaurant where I work for a meal.

Very generius tipper.

He double-tipped.

(GenerOus.)

can i send up a jonmc signal for this thread?

it's your mefi time to shine, bro.

ufez, I had that same thought. It's got our man jon written all over it.

What it should have all over it is clam dip.

If I remember correctly, that chip thread is kind of a double post.

Say no more kids. The junkfood master hath spoken

This is important research, not just an idle hobby. You have to respect a true professional who takes pride in his work.

Strawberry-Kiwi Malt Liquor, you say?
*furiously scribbles notes in steno pad*